Delurking Week 2014

I just read, over on Mel's site, about this delurking week...I'm genuinely interested to know who's out there reading. Are you a young single woman thinking single motherhood might be for you? Are you a married mom who nods her head in commiseration when I go on about parenting my daughter? Are you a fellow SMC? Do you have a blog I can follow you along on too? Are you a dad? Are you a single dude looking for a strong, independent woman, wink wink, nudge nudge?

Seriously though...peek out from the shadows...I've recently allowed anonymous comments again (I had to turn them off as I was getting WAY too much spam) & there's no verification so even if you're a robot, you can comment...I've also turned on comment moderation so if you don't want your comment published, just mention that & I won't, your comment can be just between the two of us. 

I look forward to hearing from you!!

When You Gotta Go...

Why is it that, when your toddler reaches a certain age, everyone feels the need to inquire about if you’re toilet training said toddler yet? I mean, seriously! Can’t we all just leave each other alone & let the parent(s) parent their child(ren)?

Okay, rant over…sorry about that…but I’ve been tired of being questioned about Elena’s toilet habits for the last 10+ months…

From the time Elena was born, my Mom would brag that, before I was born, she’d toilet trained my cousin before she was two & that she had me trained by when I was two…I said, “Great! Then you can train Elena!!” More seriously, when my Mom would question about when I planned to train Elena, I told her I was on board for whatever she had in mind, just lead the way. I’m not sure if it’s just that she was afraid to put her money where her mouth was or whether she felt it was my responsibility, but she didn’t make any move towards any training…well, aside from encouraging Elena to try from time to time but nothing consistent. I’m okay with that…it really is my responsibility. I was just tired of hearing the questioning.

I thought about training Elena at the beginning of the summer, but I realized that I didn’t want to spend our summer searching for toilets everywhere we went. I thought about training her Thanksgiving weekend in October when I’d be home for the long weekend…I can’t remember why I didn’t end up doing it then…Then I didn’t want to do it before we went away on our vacation…to be honest, all that time, I just wasn’t ready.

That’s right, I wasn’t ready! I didn’t want to be searching for toilets, I didn’t want to give up the convenience of diapers…but more than anything, I didn’t want my baby to take another step towards independence, to not need  me for yet another thing.

By the time we got back from vacation, though, I knew she was ready. Elena would often tell me when she’d gone…she would go for long stretches of dryness…then, while shelling out yet another $50 for a box of diapers, I’d had enough! I had better things to spend $50 on! I said to Elena, “This is it, okay? This is the last box I am buying! When I’m home over Christmas, you’re going to start peeing on the toilet! No more diapers!” She looked me straight in the eye & replied, “Okay, Momma!” So that was it…we talked about it a lot in the 2-3 weeks leading up to our “go dry” date.

We officially started Monday, December 23^rd…it was rough at 1^st…I’d done a lot of reading up on training, because that’s what I do…I tried leaving her bare bum, didn’t make any difference…we’re now using the quilted underpants & we like them.

The 1^st few days we did have success but many accidents too. She picked right up on pooping in the toilet. We’ve had just one Number 2 accident which resulted in one of her Dora dolls going into the garbage. I was NOT about to wash poop out of poor Dora’s hair!!

The peeing accidents became more frequent & I was getting frustrated!! My friend said I just needed to set an alarm! So I did & I asked Elena every twenty minutes if she had to go & she always said no & then she’d pee on the floor!! I called my friend back & said her method wasn’t working at all!! First she laughed at me…then she clarified that the alarm was for ME! To remind ME to take Elena to the toilet!!

I also tried a reward system. We started with a Dora Map & Sticker set where she would get a sticker to place on the map every time she had a success…this worked at first but she lost interest. I tried M&Ms as a reward but they only work some of the time…seems Elena isn’t really motivated by rewards. She does love my crazy happy dances & she loves hearing me brag to everyone about her successes. What seems to make the most impact on her is me telling her how proud I am of her…which makes my heart burst with love for her little personality!!

I was very intimidated about going out…I took a waterproof bed mats, folded it & put it on the car seat…I didn’t want the seat ruined!! I also decided that I didn’t care what anyone thought & I would bring our toilet seat with us. The trainer seat, I mean, that fits on top of the toilet. This was genius! Elena was more than willing to sit on any toilet since she could sit on it safely.

Slowly we had more & more success!!  We’ve come a long way & are now having more successes than accidents. She tells me when she needs to go…most of the time, anyway. Since her speech is delayed (a whole other post, coming soon) we are also using the signs for poop, pee & toilet & that helps a lot with her letting me know she needs to go…& I need to remember to take her to the toilet & get her to try if she hasn’t gone in a while.

Over all, it’s been a pretty good experience…I can’t really articulate why, but it feels like this was a bonding experience for Elena & I…it feels like we’re closer. If I can offer one piece of advice, it’s similar to the advice I offer on all things parenting…don’t let anyone pressure you to train your kid before you are sure your kid (& you!) are ready & do it your way, whatever way works for you & your kid.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta pee!!

2013 In Review

It’s surreal to me that this is my 4^th In Review post. Looking back at 2013, I feel as though I’ve come so far this year. In 2012 I felt I’d gained my confidence yet, in the end, I didn’t have the confidence to be honest about how things were at the end of last year.

This year, I promise to be honest…Life with Elena has been extremely fun…& extremely frustrating!! What is it with Elena & this time of year? It’s not lost on me that Elena started acting crazy about the same time last year as she has this year. Is it some weird Seasonal Affective Disorder…who knows but the girl is certainly expressing her independence & opinions! I’m pretty good dealing with her…but man, it drives me crazy when she doesn’t listen to me! Elena is beyond her years in developing the talent of selective hearing that usually doesn’t appear until adolescence! For the most part though, if I can keep my patience in check, we get by just fine.

One of the biggest issues we had last year was her sleep & how she would fight bedtime. As I learned, sleep with a toddler is always evolving. We went a good long time with easy, peaceful bedtimes…then just in the last month or so, she starts all these games & silliness at bedtime…until finally, one night I’d had enough, I didn’t want to yell & scream & fight with her but I wasn’t going to stay while she futzed around…so I told her enough, to stay in bed & go to sleep & I walked out…I went back in a few minutes later, feeling guilty for leaving her & she was fast asleep. This happened a couple more times before it dawned on me, she fights bedtime because bedtime means our time together is over & more often than not, I won’t be there when she wakes up. She is so tired & needs her sleep but doesn’t want to give in…but if I say good night & leave, she’s asleep in minutes!!

Behaviour is still a big issue…we’ve started making good use of time outs…I’m not altogether convinced these make any sort of impact on her…last year, I bought the book, No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley…but haven’t read it yet…I’m thinking I need to make the time now!!

Through all of these things this year, I have held onto the lessons & advice I got back at the beginning of this year…accepting that I don’t have to be perfect…believing I am a good mom, not just despite my mistakes but because of my mistakes. I’ve really learned that my mistakes make me better…Like I said, I really feel like I’ve come so far this year. More than that, I feel like I have come into my own. It’s a really good thing because 2014 is going to be a difficult year. I know that as any of the previous versions of myself, I would not be able to deal with & get through what I will have to in 2014. But the person I am now, I am ready to face it.

Obligatory Christmas Post

Nothing this Christmas has worked out the way I envisioned it back in October when I first started thinking about it…The worst part, & where all my negativity stems from, is we have a major family health crisis come up just a week before Christmas that has sent me into a tailspin…I’m still reeling. Don’t worry, Elena & I are just fine & in perfect health…this all concerns a member of my extended family.

She hadn’t been feeling well for some time but nothing specific. She was deeply exhausted all the time, she was having odd discomfort in her head, not headaches per se, but an achiness that made her vision feel off…recently she started experiencing serious vertigo…all little things that, by themselves, seemed harmless…but hindsight being 20/20 all make so much sense now.

December 17^th, after a long day’s work, she was settling down for the evening when she started to feel very weird…all of a sudden her mouth & tongue started to twitch & spasm uncontrollably…she was frightened & called out to her friend who was staying with her…the friend called 911 & they were thinking maybe she was having a mini stroke. She was rushed to the hospital, a CAT scan done immediately then they sent her straight for a chest x-ray. I’m not sure if it was before or after a Doctor had been in to talk to her, but she had another episode of twitching & spasms & they were identified as seizures, not a stroke.

The night of the 17^th, I had been exhausted…for the life of me, I can’t remember why now…but I had gone to bed with Elena at 7pm…when I woke for work at 4:30am, I got the messages. I rushed right over to the hospital. I didn’t know what to expect but was not prepared for what I heard.

She was awake when I arrived, about 5:30am, she gave me her account of what had happened then she told me what the Doctor had told her…brain tumor, chest x-ray showing a mass on her lungs…more tests needed to identify the primary sight & what is on her lungs…

A biopsy of her liver was done on the 20^th…on the 23^rd, while I was with her, she had another seizure…it was very scary to witness.

The morning of the 24^th, I was getting Elena & I ready as we were planning on visiting her to have our  little Christmas together…she texts me at 7:45am that she’s just been told that they are taking her to the cancer hospital in my town for a 9am appointment. That’s the only information we’re given. I assure her I will meet her there at 9am…my Mom steps up, as usual, & takes care of Elena plus offers to drive me & drop me off so I don’t have to find parking…Elena, on the other hand, doesn’t understand why she is now not allowed to come with me to visit her…how do you explain this type of thing to a two year old? She cries all the way there while I apologize over & over again…what else can I do?

We are brought in to a see a Radiology Oncologist…he looks to be no older than 28, which makes me feel very old. He is very nice but doesn’t sugar coat anything. He shoots straight & though it is hard to hear, we appreciate his candidness.

She is full of cancer…there’s a lot of it…in her lungs, liver & of course the brain tumor. There is no cure, but they will treat her as she tolerates to keep her with us as long as they can while maintaining her quality of life. She is too unwell to consider chemo at this time & since all her symptoms stem from the brain tumor, they’ll treat that…with radiation, which has its own risks…it will cause the tumor to swell before it gets better…this could mean more seizures…and…

I am being purposefully vague to try & protect her identity but she is a family member & I am her next of kin. Her care falls to me. I am sick at the thought of what she has to face…I am scared to be the one to have to face it with her. I am scared to think about any of it…it’s all so overwhelming…

Elena…she is just too young to understand…but she does understand that I am not here when I should be, that when I am here, she doesn’t have my full attention while I return emails & send texts & take phone calls…she’s acting out & it’s killing me that a lot of what precious time we do have together is spent with me giving her timeouts & her having tantrums. I am not being the mother I want to be…the mother she deserves…

I did stay home with her on Christmas Day & we had our family dinner & I gave her my (mostly) undivided attention…it was a really good day…a Christmas we’ll remember…but not for the reasons I had wanted…

Still Remembering

I made a promise a year ago & I have stayed true to that promise. I think of Olivia very often. I think of her parents & wonder how they are coping missing their little girl every day. I think of her little brother & how hard it must be for him to understand that his sister is gone. I often think of all the families in Newtown. My thoughts & prayers are with them as they endure this painful anniversary.

I Don’t Even Know Where to Start…

I have all the same excuses reasons you read about all the time for not having blogged in a while. My last post (aside from the Crème de laCrème reminder…which you still have time before the December 15^th deadline to submit, BTW) was September 24^th…So much has happened since then…I’ve had plenty to say but never enough time to sit down & coherently articulate what is on my mind. When I would have time to write, I just couldn’t organize my thoughts enough or decide on which of the many topics on my mind I wanted to focus on…& time continued to pass & many things continued to happen…& the more time that passed, the harder it was to compose a post…Life has felt so busy…I know by the disarray of my home that spare time has been minimal. Yet as I sit here, I am at a loss as to what has kept me too busy to blog…well, that’s not completely true…I know what has kept me from blogging but none of it is interesting enough to blog about! Instead of trying to play catch up, I will start fresh right now with a clean slate.

The biggest news lately was our big vacation! Elena & I went to the Dominican Republic for a week!! We stayed at the Grand Bahia Principe LaRomana…& this trip was 100% better than last year!!!

I feel so very lucky that Elena is such a great traveler! Our flight was at 5:40am which meant getting Elena out of bed at 4am…thankfully (& surprisingly) she went to bed extra early the night before without fuss! She has been obsessed with the dark since the time change & was so excited at the promise that we would be going on the plane in the dark! She did amazingly on the plane, hardly fussing at all & even taking a 40 minute nap! I had a whole bag of tricks to keep her busy plus we had seat back TVs that all kept her entertained during the 4.5 hour flight.

That's a Walmart toy flyer she studied for a good 45 minutes!!

 

Aside from a couple hiccups (no air conditioning in our room the 1^st night & Elena falling of the slide & getting a fat lip on the 2^nd day) our vacation was absolute perfection!! I don’t have a single complaint about the entire trip…Spending 7 days with Elena was an absolute treat! Don’t get me wrong, Elena had her moments, she is 2.5 after all, but when all you have to do all day is swim, play on the beach & eat, this leaves little time for her to tantrum.

Speaking of swimming…Elena swims on her own now!!! That’s right, at 2.5 she swims! What’s funny is she doesn’t quite realize that she can swim. She jumps in & swims to me then wants me to help her swim back to the side!! I have some great video but Blogger won't let me upload it :(

I was also very happy that she’s gotten over her aversion to sand & we were able to play on the beach this year!! She & I are very good hole diggers! She even played in the ocean!! Of course she did this on the day I didn’t have my camera with us!! I still caught some great beach fun!

 

Lastly, I have to rave about one of the single best purchases I have ever made! Last spring, I found the “On the Edge Marketing” Folding Wagon online. It is an awesome alternative to a stroller! Now that Elena likes to walk as often as ride, this has been fantastic!! There’s plenty of space for diaper bags, lunch bags & depending on ages/sizes, can fit 2-4 children comfortably! It folds flat & takes up less space than our collapsible stroller!! It meets airline standards to be checked at the gate same as a stroller…& was a dream to have in the airport!! Being able to load all our bags plus Elena into it while navigating the terminal, security & customs was awesome!! It also made life at the resort so much easier! We would load it up every morning with our swim bags, beach toys, snacks…& it made getting a dawdling toddler from point A to point B so much easier!! There is only 1 drawback…no brakes, so you have to be mindful where you stop. Also be prepared to be stopped by other parents & grandparents everywhere you go!! We get stopped at least 2-3 times to be asked where we got it, how much it cost & a dozen other questions! I don’t mind raving about it though!! Oh, & in case you were wondering, I have no affiliation with “On the Edge Marketing” or any seller or dealer for the wagon in any way…it’s just an awesome product I had to rave about!!

 

I’ll leave you with a few of our favourite moments…

 

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