I'm Late!!

Since I am neither TTC nor engaging in sexual activity of any kind for that matter, this is only significant to mention because my cycles have been wonky for a while & I want to talk about it.

Before TTC in 2010, my cycles were very regular, like clockwork, 28 days bang on. Upon getting my BFP in June 2010, I didn’t have another period until January 2012. They started out pretty normal until last year. They started getting shorter, averaging 24-25 days. They were light & only mildly crampy with barely there PMS symptoms.

This was during a time I was trying to reconcile myself to being one & done. It was a factor in helping me get to acceptance as I thought my body was telling me that it wouldn’t have happened anyway. It felt like easy logic.

I started getting vicious PMS…I’m talking major hormonal meltdowns. I felt out of control emotionally, like a raging lunatic. It reminded me of when I was pregnant & when I weaned Elena. It felt more than PMS too. It wasn’t just in the days leading up to my period either. It seemed to rear up around ovulation. I couldn’t trust myself. I convinced myself I was heading into perimenopause.

Then my cycles started inching back to 28 days and for the first time since before getting pregnant, I started getting tender breast, tender being an understatement. I mean, my girls! Ouch! It all felt like my body was primed for conception.

For months now time feels like it is on fast forward. Time feels marked by my cycles. One just seems to end when another starts. Even though I’m not TTC, I feel this pressure like I should be. That each month that passes is a waste of a last chance. A monthly reminder of what could have been. It’s frustrating because I’m truly content now with it being Elena & I. I do feel our family is complete.

I am now 3 weeks away from the first anniversary of my 39^th birthday…oh fine, make me say it! My 40^th birthday! I am, for all intents & purposes, comfortable in turning 40. Turning 30 was extremely hard because I was nowhere near where I thought I would have or should have been. Now, I have everything I’d hoped for…well except for romantic love but there’s still time for that….Any-hoooo, basically it feels like I’m living the dream…my dream, & then every month I get zapped, testing my resolve. I blame the hormones.

Apart at the Seams - Book Tour

This post is in participation with the Book Tour Lori is hosting for Melissa Ford’s new book, Apart at the Seams.

I greatly anticipated this book by MelissaFord; third in a series that includes Life from Scratch & Measure of Love. Apart at the Seams can be read on its own but if you enjoy it (& I know you would!) then do give Life from Scratch & Measure of Love a read too!

The main character in Life from Scratch & Measure of Love is Rachel. Apart at the Seams is written from the perspective of Arianna, Rachel’s best friend. Apart at the Seams follows the events from Measure of Love but from Arianna’s perspective. For me, it was a brilliant way to remind us all to try to see life from the other side of the coin.

What I love about Melissa’s writing is that she immerses me in the story. I become emotionally attached to her characters & find myself thinking of them long after I’ve finished the book, wondering how they’re doing as though they’re old friends & not works of fiction.

~~~~~

Three questions from the tour group & my answers:

1) Marriage is one of the main themes in the story. Do you think it is possible for a couple to share a long-term domestic relationship without actually being officially married? Why is our society so keen on the expectation of marriage in a romantic relationship despite the high divorce rates?

It is absolutely possible to share a long term domestic relationship without being officially married. Just because a couple doesn’t stand in front of their friends & family & say vows & make marriage promises doesn’t make their commitment to each other less valid. A marriage in and of itself is a private matter between the couple, why do they need to make such a public declaration to make it valid in the eyes of society?

2) Arianna tells Rachel, "I think there are people we should be with at different stages in our life, and maybe those stages stretch on for fifty years or maybe they're over in a few months" as a reason for not considering marriage. Do you think not knowing the span a relationship may last is reason enough to not commit completely?

I feel we would do ourselves a grave disservice if we didn’t allow ourselves to commit completely to a relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, just because we don’t know the span the relationship will have. I can only imagine how shallow our interactions would be if we all applied this theory to our relationships. Knowing a relationship could have a short span feels like more of a reason for me to really put my whole self into it & get the very most out of it knowing our time would be fleeting as opposed to knowing a relationship will span fifty years & I know I have ample time to cultivate the relationship.

3) It feels as though Arianna would become irritated with Ethan for not doing things she needed him to do yet she often wouldn't verbalize clearly what it was she wanted or needed. Why do you think asking for exactly what you need makes you feel so vulnerable?

For me, admitting I “need” at all makes me feel like I’m failing, like I should be able to do it all & by admitting I can’t means I’m failing at it all. Feeling like I’m failing is a pretty vulnerable feeling. Which, logically, I find ridiculous because I would never think that of anyone who expressed a need to me or asked for my help. The last thing I would think of them is that they’re failing.

To continue to the next leg of this book tour, please visit the main list at LavenderLuz.com.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

Okay, maybe not “hot” fun…this summer has been oddly cool but that has made our weekend adventures more comfortable than the usual 40 degree humidity (that’s 104 Fahrenheit).

We went to FaeryFest again & of course Elena insisted on having her face painted again. The artists were more pro this time & Elena’s turned out beautifully:

 

I really like this festival. It has a very authentic medieval feel. The majority of people who attend dress up & really get into character. They have many vendor booths, especially since moving to a new, larger location, & some amazing artists sell their wares there.

My favourite part about this festival though is the authentic jousting. These aren’t actors, they use real lances & suits of armour, and it’s amazing.

 

 

After the joust they announced that you could pay $5 for a ride on the horses. Elena right away says she wants a turn…I was skeptical that she would go through with it but lined up none the less quite sure she’d chicken out at the last minute. Not my brave girl!!

 

We had an amazing time…though by the end of the day, Elena looked more like she’d attended an Alice Cooper concert:

 

This year Elena has shown an interest in trains so we decided to go to Day out with Thomas. I had been twice before with my nephews so knew Elena was at a perfect age to enjoy it & she sure did!

 

All day long, what Elena asked for most was a Thomas balloon…not just a regular balloon but a large, train shaped one!! I thought they would cost $30 but they were only $15 so I promised Elena we would buy one when we were leaving. Throughout the day we would see these balloons fly away followed by cries from a child. Finally, when we were on our way out, I bought one for Elena & warned her to be very careful. We went to the car & I was loading everything into the trunk. All of a sudden I heard a blood curdling scream that made my heart stop. I thought Elena had been hurt but in the instant I looked up I saw it…her balloon flying away!!! She was heartbroken & I felt awful! I knew I should have put the balloon directly into the car. I’d planned to yet got distracted…I felt so guilty. I’d promised her this balloon all day & she’d been so well behaved & had really earned it!! So I ran back in & bought her a second balloon…I guess getting her a balloon cost me $30 after all!!

Another exciting summer event…I took Elena to the movie theatre for the first time!!

 

We went to see Planes 2: Fire & Rescue & she had a great time! There were a few scary parts but she just covered her eyes…she got a little bored mid way through but hung in there & can’t wait for the next time!!

Elena & I went to visit our close friends. The boys (10 & 8 years old) adore Elena & the feeling is mutual!! They had baseball tournaments & we went to cheer them on. Well the weekend started off with a bang, literally! As we were leaving the baseball park Friday night Elena was running ahead, she was very excited as were we heading back to my friend’s house to go swimming. She turned to look back at us & ran right into a TREE!!! The impact was so hard; she bounced right off & landed on her bum!! Oh that cry!! I thought it was bad when she lost the balloon!!! This was much worse!!

Thankfully she wasn’t badly injured & we knew she was okay when she asked between sobs if she could still go swimming!!

Just minutes afterwards

That night

The next morning

The day after

 

One of our best days this summer was at the Cactus Festival…I’m not sure why it’s called the Cactus Festival; I didn’t see any cacti but we sure had fun!

 

We went to a water park for my company picnic this year & Elena got to try Mini Putting for the first time! We made it a good 7 holes & that was enough! Lol! I couldn’t convince her to use the club correctly. I mean, she’s played hockey, sort of…we’ll try again next year!

 

It was an amazing summer! I can hardly believe it’s already September! Everything feels like it’s in fast forward!

And now today is Elena’s Half-Birthday! I wanted to get her something special & fun but wracking my brain, I couldn’t think of anything…until…

Let me tell you something about my girl. She LOVES to go to the mall! She is the ultimate window shopper & it’s a great way to spend a rainy, cool day. She makes me so proud that we can go into any store, including The Disney Store, & not have her asking for a single thing & when I say it’s time to go she does so with a wave good bye! What is hilarious is, when I agree to go, she insists on dressing up!

 

We have 2 fancy dresses that were handed down to us & Elena loves to dress up in them. She calls them her twirly dresses. When I was off on Tuesday, I was in the next town over from mine for some errands & had a brainwave!! This town is a bit higher class & has an amazing second hand children’s clothing store…I went in & hit pay dirt! I found these 2 gorgeous twirly dresses for just $6.50 each!

 

But the biggest score was this beautiful princess dress…including Tiara for just $20!!

 

Elena was overjoyed!!! She couldn’t have been happier with her half birthday present!!

1st Day of School

 

I took yesterday off work so I could take Elena to her 1st day of school, a tradition I want to continue for as long as she'll allow me. She's still in preschool but will be going 4 mornings a week this year to help get her better prepared for kindergarten next September.

 

I can't wait to see what this school year brings! Elena is blossoming into such an entertaining little girl & with her language explosion (must post about this!) it is amazing to see her personality emerge. She is such a clever, witty child!

 

 

Outside our house with her backpack.
Doesn't she look like she could be
going to kindergarten!!

Thumbs up outside her school.

At her new cubby, smiling at her new teacher.