Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Takes Me Right Back...

For as long as I can remember, I've use body wash & lotion every morning. I like to pair them so they match & I also change them for the season. A nice Pumpkin Spice for the fall...Vanilla Cookie for the winter...a fresh citrus for spring & summer.
These last few summers I've been using the Coconut Lime Verbena from Bath & Body Works. I love that one! Now that spring seems to finally be upon us here (fingers crossed!!) it was time to change things up...I went to Bath & Body Works at lunch yesterday. And wouldn't you know, they had discontinued my Coconut Lime Verbena!! I was so disappointed!!
They did have White Citrus. I knew I'd used this scent a while back so new I like it. Since I was on my lunch, I grabbed it & went.
I used it this morning and oh, that smell. It took me right back! Back to 2010, to when I was TTC. I had switched to this fragrance just after my miscarriage. I had wanted something new & fresh & clean...
Smelling it this morning, all those emotions of that time came flooding back...those feelings of hope & fear...I closed my eyes & I was back in that exam room. I could hear the sounds & feel the nervous anticipation...the excitement. That smell was the smell of many, many blood draws & ultrasounds...its the smell of waiting...it's the smell of calm as I rest after the insemination...it's the smell of waiting for the pee stick to turn...it's the smell of seeing that tiny perfect heartbeat for the first time...
Unreal how a smell can transport me back so completely...


  1. Smells are powerful that way! Just this morning I heard a story on the radio that a company is now bottling up body scents from articles of their clothing (mainly for people who have passed away) and turning it into perfume so family members can have that scent to remember them by. There are a few smells that take me back in time in an instant!

  2. Wow!! It is crazy how smells can bring back memories and emotions so strongly.

  3. Yes its amazing how scent can be so intertwined with memory.

  4. Isn't it strange how that happens? I have a specific scent that I was using just after I gave birth, and have used it sporadically since. I think I will always associate it with having a newborn, even though it has been nearly three years!

  5. Yes, there's brain research that shows scent is strongest trigger of memory. I think it's lovely that this was is so closely entwined with your daughter's conception.

  6. I've always liked how scents and colors or feels can take you back like that.

  7. There's a body spray at Victoria's Secret that takes me back to Mexico in 1998! I'm not sure if they still make it, but the last time I smelled it it was like a time machine.

  8. Hi Tara, My nme is Erin and I found your blog via a recommendation from another. Im currently in the pre-ttc stage of being a SMC. It's hard to say thinking stage since I'm not thinking about it, I know I will do it, but it will be another 2.5-3 years before I do. I'm currently 32. I was thrilled to find your blog because I find most info out there although applicable is US based so it was great reading yours, a fellow canadian and just picking up little tidbits about what I can expect for a Canadian TTC. Actually I think we live quite close to each other, just little bits you've mentioned here and there. I am in KW.
    Thank you so much for opening up yourself to your readers and other SMC's, reading your story has definitely made a difference for me and realizing that many of the fears I have about being a SMC are normal and then although it is tough it will happen for me. I can relate very much to what you went through with the death of your close family member or friend. The time passes quickly, so quickly and it is unbelievable to see them pass so quickly. I've known for a long time that I would be a SMC (I didn't know there was a term for it) but I never talked about it with my mom or dad, it felt akward and I just always thought oh there's time. This past Christmas Eve my mom after just a few weeks of really feeling ill and knowing that was definitely something wrong, numerous trips to the ER where she was hydrated and sent home and told to make an appointment for this or that, To finally being admitted for 4-5 days and having the tests done. a few days later I brought her back as she had gone downhill so much and that day (Dec 24th The doctors got her test results back and informed us bluntly (He thought we'd already been told) that she had stomach cancer. Time was not in our favor as she vomitted, aspirated, was put on a ventilator, bogged down by anthestia and we realized that she was not going to recover and be well enough to do treatments and try to beat this cancer, it just wasn't meant to be. She passed January 24th, just one month after her diagnosis. It was crazy fast life just sucks.

    Anyways, I'm looking forward to reading more about your adventures with little elena.

    1. Thank you for your comment Erin. We are definitely in the same "neighbourhood"!

      I am very sorry for your loss. I can imagine your grief, do take care of yourself. Feel free to email me t.like.tara(AT)gmail(DOT)com


Your comments are greatly appreciated so I've turned off the verification!