Saturday, March 24, 2012

Elena's 1st Birthday Party

I had originally intended to do a Story Book theme but couldn't find any decorations that I liked...I found this 1st Birthday Baby Rocker stuff & loved it! Because of our horrible lighting the photo makes it seem more orange but really it was hot pink & black with silver accents...
I even found these adorable hair clips that matched her decorations & couldn't resist...we each wore one in our hair...
Here we are together...what a pair!

Even though we changed up the decorations, I still requested that everyone bring her a book as a very thoughtful friend also brought her this basket to put all her new books this day, Elena empties it of her books, picks one then sits in the basket to's her official reading spot!

After a quick wardrobe change, I let her demolish a piece of her cake...surprisingly, the black icing didn't stain!
It was funny watching her dig into her cake...she was very apprehensive at first & very serious about she knew this was a one time thing & wanted to savor the experience.

Lastly, this has become my favourite photo...even though she's not smiling, there's somehting about it that speaks volumes about her personality to know it will become my new header!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

1 Down...1,296 To Go

Weeks that is…of work…until I retire…give or take a few weeks…

My first full week back at work really wasn’t that bad…it went by quickly. On Tuesday I thought, “it’s only Tuesday?!!?” Then all of a sudden it was Friday!

Elena is adjusting well…with the beautiful weather we’ve been having, my Mom had her outside a lot. She doesn’t like the grass but other than that she’s enjoying the outdoors…loves the park & the swings…a little wary of the slide.

I’m afraid to even mention it for fear of jinxing it but Elena is sleeping really well! Better than she has in months!! Thank God!! Because this means I am sleeping really well! She’s still very clingy but it seems to be getting better bit by bit.

The thing that really got me this week that I can’t shake is how much I love this little kid!! I mean, I’ve loved her from the moment I knew she was growing inside me…& I’m one of those clichés who felt an instant connection the moment our eyes met. But the feelings I’ve had this week seem, I don’t know, deeper. Maybe it’s because I’m away from her…you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something…but I am overwhelmed by how much I love this one little person.

I hesitate to admit this for fear of sounding crazy…or even more cliché…but it feels as though I’ve always known Elena…kinda like her little personality has always existed around me. Crazy, right?!!? All my dreaming & wishing & praying to be a mother, it feels like Elena was always what would result. Like I really am where I was supposed to be…I wasn’t meant to be married in my twenties, I wasn’t meant to conceive with a husband, I wasn’t meant to have 4, 5, 6 kids…I was meant to be here, in this time, with Elena.

Wow!  I sound like a head case!! It makes me sad knowing I most likely won’t have any more children & that I’ll probably never be pregnant again…but it just feels like this is where I was meant to be…what I was meant to do…

Sunday, March 11, 2012

What Should I Write About...

…Elena’s 1st Birthday Party…or my 1st 2 days back at work…

I think I’ll cover going back to work & wait on the party details for when I get the photos from our photographer…

I went back to work this past Thursday…absolutely great advice by the way! If you can, definitely go back to work mid week! I know this coming 1st full week is going to kill me but at least I have these two days back under my belt.

Leading up to Thursday, understandably I was a swirl of emotion…I would feel fine, then sad, then excited, then terrified, then confused…all in a span of about 3 seconds. I kept trying to play tough & say I was fine…I think I was actually convincing myself! I also allowed myself to get caught up in the details of what needed to get done before I went back that I was able to ignore the apprehensive feelings.

I do have to note that I think I have it far easier than most moms, single or otherwise…so I’m going to try not to sound too complain-y. What I mean is I don’t have the stress & worry of leaving Elena with strangers at a daycare, I don’t have the concerns of if Elena is adjusting ok, if she’s getting enough attention. Since my Mom is looking after her, I can avoid all of that turmoil…hell, since my Mom lives with me, I don’t even have to worry about getting Elena up & ready…she’s still sleeping when I leave! I am eternally grateful for the situation I’m in & will never take for granted how fortunate I am for it.

Because of all that, I was ill prepared for how hard it was to be away from Elena! I was a lot more emotional than I thought I would be. What made it harder was everyone asking me how she was & wanting details of what was new. On top of that my computer station wasn’t set up yet so I couldn’t even bury myself in work! Leave it to our IT department! They’ve only known for the last SIX MONTHS that I was coming back that day but they waited until Wednesday to set me up!! While I was off, my office was moved twice & I have now settled into a cubicle so the wait did afford me the time to organize & unpack but my mind was drifting to Elena.

It didn’t help matters that Elena has been sick. She spiked a fever Sunday night, higher than she’s ever had at 100.5…luckily we already had a doctor’s appointment for Monday morning for her 1 year well baby check up. She obviously wasn’t able to get her needles & it turned out she had croup…her fever didn’t break until Wednesday & then Thursday she started coughing up blood!! Commence freak out for me!!! My Mom took her back to the doctor Friday & thankfully the blood was from an irritation in the esophagus from her coughing…thru all of that I am feeling even more fortunate that she was with my Mom & not at daycare.

Now I am gearing up for a full 5 day work week…we have had a nice weekend together. Saturday morning we ran some necessary errands then have spent the rest of the time just hanging out & me getting some house chores done. Elena is feeling much better…she is, however, extremely clingy. Can’t blame the girl but I can’t even stand up without her acting a bit panicked that I might be leaving & she insists of being carried everywhere. I’m walking the fine line of providing her reassurance without overindulging her.

And that’s life with us! Birthday post to follow soon but let me just say, we had a blast!!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Year In Pictures

Today is Elena's 1st Birthday!
What a year it has been!
March 4th, 2011












Happy Birthday, my Precious Girl!
Mama Loves You!!