I Fit Into My Jeans!!!

When I got home from the hospital, one of the 1st things I did was pull out all my favourite pre-pregnancy jeans & try them on...not only did none of them fit but I could barely get them up over my thunderous thighs & butt!! Before allowing myself to feel too dejected about this, I cut myself some slack & resigned myself to my maternity jeans for the time being...On Friday, after putting on said maternity jeans, they looked really baggy...so I tried on my jeans again...just to see...I didn't hold out much hope & gave myself a little pep talk as I pulled them up telling myself it had only been 3 weeks so if they didn't fit...but THEY FIT!! Yeah, me!!

As I slim down into my pre-pregnancy clothes, Miss Elena is already out growing stuff!! She doesn't fit in the outfit she came home from the hospital in & there are a few sleepers now that just aren't fitting well...cute thing is, she seems to be growing longer rather than chubbier so the next size sleepers fit her length wise but she's swimming in them...too cute.

Everything has been going along well for us...Elena seems to like to be up most the night & sleep during the day...which makes for going out pleasant since she sleeps the whole time but makes me a little tired...it's nice in theory to say, "Sleep when the baby sleeps" but there's a lot of stuff that needs to be done during the day that can't be done at 3am...but we're managing...I'm getting enough sleep not to be a zombie...I have been tempted to hit the 24 hour grocery or drug store just for something to do at 3am but as my Mom pointed out, "There are weirdos out at 3am!" LOL!

Elena Since Birth...

First, I need to give mad props to you Choice Moms who do this completely on your own…sure, I don’t have a partner but I have had tons of help & could not have done it on my own…okay, I could have done it on my own but I’m glad I haven’t had to!

Elena & I have had a very challenging 1st two weeks…our 1st bit of excitement happened in the hospital the night she was born…we were brought to our room on the maternity ward (we didn’t get one of the luxury rooms but we got a private which was nice)…it was a little unnerving, after having so many people around, to be all alone, just Elena & I...I was at a loss as to what to do. I unpacked a little & the nurse came in & gave me the low down then told me to try to get to sleep…Elena was sleeping soundly in the bassinet beside me so I laid down & drifted off for a bit…all of a sudden all I heard was what sounded like Elena choking!!! I couldn’t see anything as the room was dark but I quickly pulled the call bell & begged the nurses to come right away as my daughter was choking. I then switched on the light & looked at Elena…& just about passed out! There was blood all over her & it looked like someone had gutted a pig in her bassinet! No lie! There was so much blood! All I remember was feeling my knees go weak, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t speak & I didn’t know what to do!! Thank god the nurses were there instantly…they looked at Elena & were much more concerned for me at this point…it sunk into the logical part of my brain that if they weren’t concerned with Elena, then she must be fine & not choking…they explained to me that this was all perfectly normal, that Elena had ingested a bunch of my mucus & blood during delivery & was now throwing it up & that it happened all the time…so the blood was MY blood, not hers…when I could finally catch my breath & speak, I said, “Well someone should have warned me this could happen!! I thought I’d broken her already!!” That gave them a laugh…scariest moment of my life!!

Saturday night was hell for another reason…I had the Nightmare Nurse…she was just short of mean, very pushy & hounded me ALL NIGHT LONG about Elena not eating & implying she was starving to death…I’m not going to get into a lot of the details as I don’t want to give the wrong impression…I mean, in the 5 days I was in the hospital I had upwards of 30+ nurses tend to me in some capacity or another & only had 3 nurses who were not great…but this one was the worst!

Basically, she came in & told me I HAD to give Elena a formula bottle…she gave me conflicting reasons why...like I said, she implied Elena would starve by morning if I didn’t…I said if that was the case, I would page my midwife for her advice, the Nightmare Nurse’s response was, “Oh, this isn’t something to page your midwife about.” WTF?!?!? She makes it sound so dire then won’t let me talk to a Dr or lactation consultant or “bother my midwife”…I had started pumping what I could & finger feeding, cup feeding, spoon feeding Elena what I collected. Knowing what I know now & hind sight being 20/20, I would have given Elena the formula bottle…but the Nightmare Nurse’s approach prevented me from trusting her or believing her…she kept contradicting herself & giving me conflicting information (she told me Elena had lost 6% of her birth weight but I found out from my midwife the following morning that at that point she’d only lost 3%)…then blaming me for being over tired & not making good judgments but still hounding me & not allowing me to sleep!! Worst of all, while I was on the toilet, she came in to take Elena for her 24 hour tests, I told her to wait because I wanted to be there & she just left with Elena saying she would get things ready & I could meet her at the nurse’s station…this is strictly against hospital policy & I was flabbergasted!! I quickly got myself together & went to the nurse’s station & neither she nor Elena was anywhere to be seen. It turns out she had taken Elena down to where they do the hearing test & I had missed the whole thing…all she said to me was, “She passed.”

You can imagine that by Sunday morning, I just wanted to go home! I was an emotional mess having fought with this Nightmare Nurse all night & my biggest fear was that if I stayed another night, like they wanted me to, she would be on again & I’d have to deal with her again. Luckily, I was able to convince the Powers-That-Be to let me go…so Elena came home Sunday, March 6th.

We weren’t out of the woods yet though! Sure enough, Elena was losing weight as my milk hadn’t come in yet & the colostrum just wasn’t cutting it…I was afraid that if we introduced formula & bottles that she’d never go back to the breast…we tried finger feeds & all kinds of other breast feeding friendly interventions…but by Tuesday (March 8th) I just needed to see Elena eat & gain weight. She had lost a whole pound & was down to 7lbs 5 oz…I started her on formula the Monday afternoon & by Wednesday, she was up to 7lbs 11 oz…on Monday, I started taking some herbs (Fenugreek & Blessed Thistle, 3 capsules 3 times a day) & my milk came in Wednesday afternoon with a vengeance! I started pumping but I was afraid to offer Elena the breast because I was so afraid she would refuse…my Mom convinced me Thursday morning, after being up all night pumping & feeding, to just try…well, Elena took it like a superstar!!

We had an appointment with a Lactation Specialist that Thursday afternoon (March 10) & she helped me with understanding latching & what “let down” was (I thought it happened just once, not every time!) & since then Elena has been feeding exclusively on the breast & gaining like crazy! By Sunday, March 13th she was up to 8lbs 3 oz & by last Wednesday (March 16th) she had surpassed her birth weight & was up to 8lbs 9 oz!! This was good news for a number of reasons as you can imagine but most importantly it meant that I could stop waking her every 2 hours to feed…we could just feed on demand!

The only challenge we have now is that Elena likes to be up all night & sleep most the day! Compared to everything else, this is very minor & I’m pretty much just trying to sleep when she does though that’s easier said than done since the dishes & laundry, etc needs to get done too. Last night she had a good night though & tonight looks like we might be lucky again…

It has been through all of this that I have really had to admire the Choice Mom’s who have dealt with all of these same challenges yet they faced them alone…they didn’t necessarily have their Mom living upstairs to help out at any hour or their Aunt stopping by every day after work to pitch in & help with whatever was needed…I’ve really counted my blessings lately!

Sorry this is another long one but now we’re all caught up to date…Lastly, as you can see, I’ve changed up the look of my blog…I figured since I had entered this new phase, so too my blog should reflect that…what do you think?

Elena's Birth Story

Finally…here is Elena’s birth story…be forewarned, it’s a long one…so hunker down, grab a snack…here we go…

We last left our laboring heroine (that’s me ;)) having been induced using Cervidil (which I kept calling Citadel, lol)…what I didn’t realize then but now know, the purpose of Cervidil is to soften & dilate the cervix…

I didn’t sleep much between excitement & needing to use the washroom every hour, literally! I truly thought that actual labour was sure to begin some time during the night & we’d head to the hospital…oh how wrong I was! My instructions when leaving the hospital were that they would call me the following morning to let me know when I was to come back for the next step unless labour started on it’s own…they called around noon & told me to come in for 1:30pm (this was March 3rd). We packed up the car & arrived at the hospital right on time.

I was shown to my labour & delivery room…all the rooms are decorated with different wallpaper boarders, like the dreaded “Tea Cup” room with a boarder of tea cups that gives it a more kitchen feel…I got the “Fairy Baby” room which suited me fine…little did I know I would be staring at those Fairy Babies for the next THIRTY ONE AND A HALF HOURS!!!!!

I got settled in & comfortable…they hooked me up to a monitor to check on Baby…the Dr came in for a check & I was only 2 cm dilated but my cervix was softening. At 3:15, the Cervidril was removed & my IV was put in…at 4pm, Oxytocin was started & slowly increased in ½ hour intervals…I was uncomfortable but not experiencing any pain…I was up & walking around…basically just waiting.

By 6pm, my cervical check showed no change at all…I wasn’t making any progress whatsoever but everyone seemed so sure I’d deliver before midnight…

At 6:30, it was decided to insert a Foley Cervical Catheter…remember when I thought the stretch & sweeps were a medieval form of torture? This ‘little’ procedure was taken from the same manual! Basically, it’s a catheter with a balloon on either end that they insert into my cervix & inflate a balloon with saline at either end…this is to put pressure on my cervix & encourage it to dilate…I was told that when I was 5cm dilated, the Foley would fall out…something to look forward to…

Things got very uncomfortable after that…moving around was uncomfortable, laying down was uncomfortable…at about 8pm, my water broke!! All on it’s own!! I was really happy since at least this could be one thing that was not done with intervention! The contractions started getting progressively more intense after that...

It was at this point I started to consider an Epidural…I hadn’t wanted to have one if I could manage but was open minded if I felt I needed it…& my thoughts on not wanting an epidural had nothing to do with trying to be a hero or winning some sort of medal…for me, it was the fact that once an epidural was administered, I’d be confined to bed plus my fear of having a needle inserted so close to my spine. I was afraid I’d jump & end up paralyzed…by 11:30pm (still March 3rd) I had to seriously evaluate my situation…it was no longer comfortable to be up & walking around…the many trips back & forth to the toilet were painful & uncomfortable & I only felt any kind of relief while sitting on the toilet…so I felt if I wasn’t up moving around, I might as well have some pain relief…I was also reassured that although there is a small chance of paralysis, chances were slim…also, it was very clear by this point that not only wouldn’t I be delivering before midnight, it was going to be quite some time & I’d need some rest…knowing it would take some time to arrange the anesthesiologist to come, I gave them the green light.

While waiting for the anesthesiologist, as luck would have it (read sarcasm here!!!) the Foley “fell out”…the good news was that I was now 5cm dilated…the bad news was it was just sitting inside my vagina…& this was VERY uncomfortable!!! The nurse came in & removed it…it would have been nice if this could have waited until AFTER the epidural since it HURT! Those balloons were the size of a couple of golf balls!! I thought about complaining about how much it hurt…then I realized I was gonna be squeezing something much bigger out so I sucked it up!

The anesthesiologist finally came & by 1:30am (March 4th now) I was in epidural heaven!!! I was feeling so good & even contemplated naming Baby Epidural, that’s how great I felt. The nurses advised that I get some rest & try to sleep…At 2:30am they realized they’d forgotten to put in my catheter & put one in…I then tried to get some sleep but they kept coming in every 20 minutes checking this & adjusting that…what I didn’t know at the time was that Baby’s heartbeat was dipping after each contraction meaning she wasn’t recovering well from them…the Oxytocin was turned off for an hour & they added sugar water to my drip to wake Baby…everything seemed fine after that so the Oxytocin was restarted after the hour.

Just after 7am (March 4th) they came in to check my progress, or lack there of…they continued to increase the Oxytocin & by 10am I was only 6cm dilated but contractions were coming more consistently…at 12:30pm the Drs came in again & I’d made better progress, 8 cm dilated then just stayed there at 8cm…c-section was discussed but we decided to give it another 2-4 hours & see…at 2:30pm there’d been no change…by 4:30pm I was exhausted, physically & emotionally, I was very uncomfortable & feeling a lot of pain despite the epidural…I was done. When the Drs came in at 5pm, I told them as much & said I couldn’t go on…the Dr encouraged me to do just 3 test pushes just to see what happened…I agreed & pushed & she said my pushes were successful & had moved Baby down…she said I was now 9cm dilated & encouraged me to give it another 4 hours…I refused & said I couldn’t make it…she advised just 1 more hour…I agreed to the hour only after she promised that if there wasn’t any change, we’d move to a c-section...no more waiting.

During that hour, things got way more intense…the nurse gave me a super dose of epidural & put in a fresh one so it wouldn’t need to be changed if I started pushing…the Drs came back at 6pm on the dot & lo & behold, I was fully dilated & my contractions were really strong…I was in significant pain & can’t imagine how painful those contractions would have felt without the epidural! It was time to push…

I started pushing at exactly 6:08pm…it was pretty intense…I had a lot of help, my Mom & my Aunt were there, my nurse, a med student who’d been involved with my case since Wednesday, one of my midwives & her student…they were all very encouraging & played their role in keeping me focused & pushing effectively…there was a shift change at 7pm & I got a new nurse & she had a midwife student with her…the nurse change was very inconvenient since we had such a good dynamic going & the new nurse that came in had an attitude & just started doing things like moving the bed or wiping at me without being asked or warning me what she was doing…I snapped at her & told her to just back off so she then sulked in the corner like a petulant child…I didn’t understand how she could be so inconsiderate…I needed a lot of focus & we (my “team”) had such a great rhythm going that she just wasn’t helpful…her student seemed to get it & hung back until she saw a need to be filled then jumped in…I did notice my midwife took the nurse aside & spoke to her & after that she was better…

I really want to describe how intense things got at this point…I mean, the pain was unimaginable, the pressure was beyond my comprehension…but beyond that, I can’t think of the words to describe it…especially at those final moments when Baby was coming out… I had sent my Mom to the sideline because she was just traumatized seeing me in such pain & watching what was going on, the “professionals” took over the coaching…I don’t know how I continued to push…I just closed my eyes & focused on the Dr’s voice as she was telling me how, when & where to push & the midwife student’s voice who was soothingly telling me how great I was doing & how awesome I was…I had no other awareness…I knew about the shift change so knew it was after 7pm…at one point I heard them talking about needing a stool but couldn’t understand what for…turns out they needed to get up on the bed & push down on my pelvis to help Baby out…I also wasn’t aware at the time that the Pediatric Team had been called in as there was some concern for Baby & what condition she’d be in when she came out…but like I said, I was so focused on pushing her out, I was completely oblivious to all of this.

Then, right around 8:52pm (I thought it was 7:30pm…seriously!) out she came…& oh the relief that washed over me…they whisked her right over to the warmer & she was checked & double checked & she started wailing…that a beautiful sound!! She cried & she wailed & I had to wait…they had to check that her shoulders hadn’t been displaced, they had to make sure her airways were clear & that everything else was ok…during this time the Dr told me I had to push out the placenta…my response was, “YOU WANT ME TO PUSH AGAIN?!?!?!?” & they laughed & said it would be easy & it was…

Everyone kept asking if Baby had a name…I told them I had to see her…Finally, they asked if I was ready for some skin to skin & to hold her…I was overcome & speechless & just nodded…she was wailing away but as soon as she was laid on my chest & I put my arms around her, she quieted instantly & looked up at me with her big blue eyes…it was in that instant that she ceased being “Baby” to me & I knew she was Elena, my daughter.

7 Days...

Wow...At this moment one week ago today, I was in the most intense experience of my life...7 days already...& yet it seems like a lifetime as well...I'm still working on Elena's birth story post but in the mean time I had to share her 7 day old birthday photo...

I also wanted to say that I am slowly catching up on reading blogs...since I'm pumping or feeding while reading, I've gotten lax at commenting & apologize for that...we are slowly getting into the swing of things & Elena is exceptionally patient with me while I get us figured out.

Thanks to everyone for commenting & encouraging me...this week has definitely been challenging but all that natters is that my girl is thriving & everything just keeps getting better & better.

Due Date...

Today was my due date...instead, I have a beautifully precious 5 day old who I am in awe of & amazed by! I haven't had the chance to compose her birth story yet. We have had a challenging couple of days...between my milk not coming in, Elena losing a whole pound & me not able to satisfy her, plus my blood pressure has been through the roof...it really has been challenging...but we're getting the hang of things now & my milk came in today...so it only gets better from here.

Thank you all so much for your well wishes & compliments on her beauty & her name...it's funny how I had so much trouble picking her name & it didn't even end up being any of the names on my original list!! But when I saw her, I just knew Elena was her name.

Thank you all again so much!!!

INTRODUCING...

So many details to share...but lets just enjoy this moment for now...

Welcome to the world, My precious Angel...I don't know what I ever did to get this lucky that She would choose ME to be her Mama!!!

I am truly in awe that I did this, both made her & actually delivered her...vaginally, no less after many many hours of labour!! I will compose a full birth story soon but as you can imagine, this little one has all my attention for now.

Thanks to you all for your well wishes...we feel so loved!!

INDUCED!!!!

That's right, folks...I have been induced! Still no Baby yet...we're still early stage now...but this show is on the road...let me start from the beginning...

I saw my OB Dr on Friday for another ultrasound & check...my fluid volume was low again but still in normal ranges but my blood pressure was up again...we stuck with our wait & see attitude since I had an appointment at my Midwife's scheduled for Monday...

Monday at my Midwife's...we did another Stretch & Sweep (which is some medieval form of torture, seriously!) & I was still only about 1 - 1.5 cm dilated...but my blood pressure was still up...now remember that my blood pressure up until now has been perfect...it was decided that I would return Wednesday to have another blood pressure check...

I arrived this morning at my Midwife's...everything looked good...except my blood pressure was still up...not only that but it was higher than it has been...140/100...we had thought to do another stretch & sweep but she wanted to check with my OB Dr 1st...so while I waited, she called & they decided I should head straight over to his office...good news was I didn't have to endure another stretch & sweep...then anyway.

Over at my OB Dr's office...he decided it was time...there was reasonable justification to transfer care & induce...I was a little scared but definitely ready...OB Dr explained that he was sending me directly down to Labour & Delivery with an order for induction...but first they would run blood work & urine samples plus a Non-Stress Test & based on those results they would decide what type of induction they would use.

Unfortunately, my OB Dr had, at this point, been on call for more than 30 hours so after seeing me was going off call...but he assured me that the new Dr was great & not to worry...so after making a few phone calls to my peeps, I headed up to L&D...NST came in perfect...blood work & urine came back normal...however my blood pressure was still up at 140/91...the new OB Dr was great & my OB Dr took the time to call her personally to fill her in on my condition so I am feeling pretty special & well taken care of...they did a stretch & sweep & decided to induce with Cervidil which then slowly releases over 24 hours & I was allowed to come home...

So here I am at home...waiting...I'm having contractions but they're not consistant or anything so I am going to head off to bed & try to get a good night's sleep since tomorrow is going to be a BIG day!!!

Oh & BTW...tomorrow was the day I was wishing & hoping would be my daughter's birthday since it will be 03~03~11...now it looks like it may very well be...I'm so excited!!