Monday, January 16, 2012

The Nitty Gritty

Aunt Flo kicked down my door January 2nd & made it clear in no uncertain terms that I will be her bitch in 2012…after 1 year & 7 months of not having a period I knew it had to start sometime…I was actually a little relieved only because in the 3 weeks prior I’d been feeling very weird & off…I couldn’t explain it but just didn’t feel right, I wasn’t able to sleep, I felt very on edge…well, obviously my hormones were running amok…it’s nice to have an explanation for why I was feeling that way…but for 13 days…bleeding, not spotting either but actual flow. Is that normal?

I was sort of holding off weaning Elena in hopes of keeping Aunt Flo at bay but since that’s now a moot point, I’ve cut out 1 feeding so far…ya, I know, big whoop! But it’s taken me more than a month to work myself up to that. I kept saying I needed to start weaning her but just couldn’t bring myself to start.

I’ve been having mixed feelings about it…a big part of me really wants to stop breastfeeding…I can’t really articulate why I didn’t…don’t…want to anymore…but these feelings brought on very strong feelings of guilt…especially reading other women expressing how much they were dreading weaning or missing breastfeeding or sad they never could breastfeed. I was/am beating myself up that I’m taking breastfeeding for granted...except that I don’t…take it for granted, I mean.

On top of that, I’m agonizing over the emotional impact on Elena. Am I going to make her feel abandoned…or will she feel like I’m pushing her away? In the beginning, breastfeeding was a very intense bonding experience for me. It was very important to me to be able to provide Elena’s sole source of nourishment & because she nursed every 2 hours (or less) for the 1st 4 months, I relished in the one on one time.

Since Elena started crawling (& even more so since she’s been walking) our bonding seems to occur less while she’s at my breast & more while we share laughs, play games, read books, snuggle…and breastfeeding has seemed to become more of a necessary pause in the fun…except at her bedtime feeding, she only nurses for 10 minutes or less then pops off with a smile & is ready to play.

I’ve started to think something’s wrong with me that I’m not getting the warm & fuzzies about breastfeeding anymore. Like I should be grieving the end of this chapter of motherhood…instead I just feel like…well, like it’s just time…this confuses me because we worked so hard to breastfeed, Elena & I…many times in those 1st few days & weeks I thought of giving up but we persevered...& now I’m giving it up so easily? Well, not easily but I’m okay with it.

So I’m just a mess of emotion. Instead of having to accept that we’re almost done breastfeeding, I guess I actually need to accept that I’m okay with it.

There is one problem…Elena won’t drink milk. I started her on sippy cups ages ago & she’s a champ…she drinks water all day…so I know she knows how to use the cups but she won’t drink more than a sip or 2 of milk. To compensate, I’m giving her yogurt regularly & about to try cheese so hopefully that’ll be ok…

She’s eating really well now…I’ve gotten over my choking fear. Elena has proven herself to have a very good gag reflex & we are ever vigilant with what we give her. I have taken Billy’s advice & we feed Elena off our plates now too…my Mom is better at it than me but since starting this I’ve seen great improvement in Elena’s chewing & biting, she’s even eating the baby biscuits & Mum Mum crackers…she does well with toast too…I have to admit that I’m at a bit of a loss with snacks…I don’t want to give her cookies all the time & toast seems boring…I give Elena fruit at breakfast & fruit & yogurt at lunch & dinner so it seems a bit much to give her fruit as a snack too… so I’m asking for ideas!! Help me out ladies!!


  1. I gave up breast feeding with NO problem. I think it is just as natural to wean as it is to breastfeed. Sort of like when they are teenagers and they get obnoxious... nature's way of having the parent willing to let them fly the nest. :)

    As for food, Elsie is eating just about anything. Though her food still is pureed. For example, I made black bean soup and I just pureed some of the soup and fed it to her. Just keep trying food and see what she likes. Just have fun with it!

  2. Okay, at ten months Scarlett was pretty much eating everything. This is how I feed Scarlett and how she was eating two months ago as well: Breakfast was pieces of strawberries and cereal mixed with fruit puree or mashed banana. Lunch was 1/4 cup of veggies (broccoli and cauliflower with cheese, mixed veggies: carrots, corn, green beans, peas, zucchini) 1 piece of toast with some sort of protein on top: peanut butter, humus, salmon, egg, cream cheese, and yogurt with pureed fruit mixed in. For dinner she has either chicken or fish or egg, some veggies, fruit, nothing pureed anymore.

    Scarlett didn't love finger foods until I introduced peanut butter. That was all it took. She also LOVES humus, which I NEVER eat.

    I thought I would really miss the breastfeeding. Then Scarlett stopped cold turkey last week and it's been fine...we're just moving on. And the milk took a while for her to enjoy. I didn't introduce Homo milk until she was a week away from a year. I just cut feeds and gave her cottage cheese or other snacks instead.

  3. I'm not weaning J but he's kind of weaning himself to fewer feedings during the day. I thought I would have more problems with it, but like I think you said, it's just time. Don't feel guilty about it. Breastfeeding is a bonding time but its also food for them and they grow out of it and we introduce other things and bond in other ways.

    Food. I give J custards and puddings. Not much and not sugary stuff but I think he gets tired of baby biscuits and melting yogurt bites. Lots of different fruits and frozen yogurt and graham crackers or nilla wafers. He doesn't get them all constantly but I switch it up sometimes.

    You're doing well with other dairy items. That's what his doc said to do since I don't really buy milk much now. Basically its all for exploring. He eats what I eat which starts to get easier. Almond milk has become a thing in our house so he'll probably get that.

  4. So weird, I was having a conversation with my OB friend the other day about when AF might reappear for me and she said, "And be prepared, it'll be a doozy!" So I guess it's normal?

    As for snacks - have you tried beans or edamame? I've had several mom friends suggest that to me as easy snacks/finger food that's actually nutritious. We haven't tried any yet, but we will soon!

  5. Happy to hear you've gotten over your fear of Elena chocking :-)
    As for snack, is corn on the cob all right with you? (obviously that can't be a snack everyday, but that's the only thing I can think of right now..)


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