Weeks that is…of work…until I retire…give or take a few weeks…
My first full week back at work really wasn’t that bad…it went by quickly. On Tuesday I thought, “it’s only Tuesday?!!?” Then all of a sudden it was Friday!
Elena is adjusting well…with the beautiful weather we’ve been having, my Mom had her outside a lot. She doesn’t like the grass but other than that she’s enjoying the outdoors…loves the park & the swings…a little wary of the slide.
I’m afraid to even mention it for fear of jinxing it but Elena is sleeping really well! Better than she has in months!! Thank God!! Because this means I am sleeping really well! She’s still very clingy but it seems to be getting better bit by bit.
The thing that really got me this week that I can’t shake is how much I love this little kid!! I mean, I’ve loved her from the moment I knew she was growing inside me…& I’m one of those clichés who felt an instant connection the moment our eyes met. But the feelings I’ve had this week seem, I don’t know, deeper. Maybe it’s because I’m away from her…you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something…but I am overwhelmed by how much I love this one little person.
I hesitate to admit this for fear of sounding crazy…or even more cliché…but it feels as though I’ve always known Elena…kinda like her little personality has always existed around me. Crazy, right?!!? All my dreaming & wishing & praying to be a mother, it feels like Elena was always what would result. Like I really am where I was supposed to be…I wasn’t meant to be married in my twenties, I wasn’t meant to conceive with a husband, I wasn’t meant to have 4, 5, 6 kids…I was meant to be here, in this time, with Elena.
Wow! I sound like a head case!! It makes me sad knowing I most likely won’t have any more children & that I’ll probably never be pregnant again…but it just feels like this is where I was meant to be…what I was meant to do…