Saturday, March 17, 2012

1 Down...1,296 To Go

Weeks that is…of work…until I retire…give or take a few weeks…

My first full week back at work really wasn’t that bad…it went by quickly. On Tuesday I thought, “it’s only Tuesday?!!?” Then all of a sudden it was Friday!

Elena is adjusting well…with the beautiful weather we’ve been having, my Mom had her outside a lot. She doesn’t like the grass but other than that she’s enjoying the outdoors…loves the park & the swings…a little wary of the slide.

I’m afraid to even mention it for fear of jinxing it but Elena is sleeping really well! Better than she has in months!! Thank God!! Because this means I am sleeping really well! She’s still very clingy but it seems to be getting better bit by bit.

The thing that really got me this week that I can’t shake is how much I love this little kid!! I mean, I’ve loved her from the moment I knew she was growing inside me…& I’m one of those clichés who felt an instant connection the moment our eyes met. But the feelings I’ve had this week seem, I don’t know, deeper. Maybe it’s because I’m away from her…you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something…but I am overwhelmed by how much I love this one little person.

I hesitate to admit this for fear of sounding crazy…or even more cliché…but it feels as though I’ve always known Elena…kinda like her little personality has always existed around me. Crazy, right?!!? All my dreaming & wishing & praying to be a mother, it feels like Elena was always what would result. Like I really am where I was supposed to be…I wasn’t meant to be married in my twenties, I wasn’t meant to conceive with a husband, I wasn’t meant to have 4, 5, 6 kids…I was meant to be here, in this time, with Elena.

Wow!  I sound like a head case!! It makes me sad knowing I most likely won’t have any more children & that I’ll probably never be pregnant again…but it just feels like this is where I was meant to be…what I was meant to do…


  1. That's awesome. I so hope to be having all those same thoughts some day!

  2. I'm glad you made it through your first week back at work! And you don't sound like a head case. You sound like a really great mommy!

  3. I totally feel the same as you about my daughter. And it possibly is the being at work that is intensifying these feelings. I sometimes come home and think her face has changed or other things like that. When I'm with her I just love her so much. I totally get it.

  4. Yeah, I totally get it, too.

    I'm so glad you made it through your first full week ok!

  5. This is a really beautiful post. I'm so happy for you and Elena--the right people in the right place :)

  6. Love your end note - this is where you are meant to be!
    Glad that first week wasn't bad and that Elena is adjusting well.

  7. Your post made me smile! I'm glad you feel like you and Elena were meant to be. Your words make it clear just how much you love your daughter - you don't sound like a head case at all.

  8. I'm impressed with the countdown!! I have NO idea if I'll ever retire. Especially as the pull to T42 gets stronger and stronger.

    I am glad the return to work has gone so well! And Elena is cooperating.

    As for the bond... I agree. I didn't have it from the moment Elsie was born but the other day I was atching her play by herself and I realized how much I love this kid. And how much I just enjoy spending time with her. (Remind me of this comment when Elsie is a preteen!! Lol!)

  9. Love, love, love your thoughts on "this is right where I was meant to be." Reminds me of friends of mine who adopted. After they made the decision to stop TTC and adopt the husband said to me, so poignantly: "For a long time we asked why we couldn't conceive, why were we forced to change our path? And then we realized that this (adoption) is our path, and has been our path all along, we just didn't know it."


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