Thursday, June 13, 2013

GRAB(ook) Club - Measure of Love

In Rachel's blog post in Chapter Sixteen she writes, "We should never sit idly by and say nothing. That isn't how we act with people we love; that's how we act with people we're indifferent about. For people we love, we hold them accountable, we push them to be their best selves."
 
Do you agree? Is it possible to meddle too much, even if it's for the right reason?
 
After you answer my question, please click over to read the rest of the book club questions for Measure of Love.  You can get your own copy of Measure of Love by Melissa Ford at bookstores including Amazon.

12 comments:

  1. I think it becomes meddling when you don't get the full story (or don't believe what other people tell you) and jump to a conclusion.

    It's fine to discuss situations and express opinions to your friends about their actions. But you have to make sure you listen to their side of the story first.

    Great question!

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  2. I echo areyoukiddingme and I would also say that I try to limit the amount of unsolicited advice that I give to loved ones and acquaintances in my life. I try to save my meddling for when I really feel strongly about something because I am worried about a family member or friend or because I think what I have to say/share is so important they need to hear it. But there is a fine line and many people have difficulty accepting constructive criticism, which often comes off as feeling judged.

    So yes, I think it is possible to meddle too much, even when we have good intentions. After getting burned over the years for meddling too much in others' lives, I have learned to be very mindful of when I think it is appropriate to get involved, because as areyoukiddingme said and we see in Measure of Love, in many cases we don't know the full story.

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  3. Yes, I think it's possible to meddle too much. It's a fine line there and crossing it can cause major conflicts (as in the book) that are tricky to move on from. You need to have all the right facts and talk without judgement, and to be fair, not jump to conclusions. It's hard though, but I believe it's possible.

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  4. I wish I never gave unsolicted advice. I think people aren't ready to hear it unless they ask. I don't always succeed in holding back, but I try.

    We each have to travel our own adventure. Pointing out others' mistakes rarely helps and can often poison a relationship. We have to wait and be there to catch them as they fall from their own mistakes. We can't learn from others' advice; we have to learn it on our own.

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  5. I definitely think it is possible to meddle too much, whether it is out of love or not. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to be available to those we love, provide assistance when requested, help them pick-up the pieces when they fall apart, or be there when needed. Advice has a purpose, but it isn't obligatory for the person seeking advice to follow the advice being given or requested.

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  6. I think you can meddle too much, but I do love how she says "that isn't how we act with people we love; that's how we act with people we're indifferent about". It is true, you do sometimes have to push people you care about, but depending on the person, they might not want to be pushed :) Great question!

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  7. I agree with Abby. I think you have to wait until someone is ready to hear what you have to say. I find most often instead of advice, people are just looking someone to listen to them. I know I process my thoughts and feelings when I tell someone else about what is going through my head.

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  8. I agree with the previous commenters. It's hard to resist the temptation to meddle & share my 2 cents... but there are some lessons that people need to learn for themselves, and advice, however well meaning, is not always appreciated.

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  9. I agree with the others that it is possible to meddle too much. However, Jane pointed out a sentence I really like - "that isn't how we act with people we love; that's how we act with people we're indifferent about."

    It's true that sometimes I overstep my bounds and provide an unsolicited opinion - but sometimes I think this is good. I know for myself, I mull over what people say to me long after it's been said ... even if I wasn't ready to hear the advice at the time, it sticks with me and I am able to see truth in people's advice at a later point.

    That said, there ar times when I just want to tell people who are poking their noses in my business to piss off! haha

    :)

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    Replies
    1. There is more power in giving solicited advice over unsolicited advice. So if I do decide to meddle (which first takes much soul-searching on my part), I will often try to get permission to do so. "Would you like to see this from another perspective?"

      I know I answered "how" more than I answered "is it," but A and the others covered that so well.

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  10. Oh yessssssssssssssssss, there are people who meddle out of love who step over the line of meddling too much. In the same way that eating carrots can be a good thing, but too many carrots and no other vegetable isn't much better than eating a diet of Cheetos. :-)

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  11. Agree with many of the other comments above about solicited versus unsolicited advice.

    I try not to actively meddle unless someone actually wants my opinion or if someone's about to do something that crosses into truly dangerous to themselves or others (in which case, I'd feel remiss for not meddling). That doesn't mean I always succeed in not giving unsolicited advice - I'm only human, after all...

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