Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Conversations about Daddies

The other day at Elena’s swimming lessons, while waiting their turns, the girls started calling out hellos to their moms. They were all just being silly & having fun. One of the girls called out, “Hi Mommy & Daddy” waving at her parents. My little copycat waves at me & calls out, “Hi Mommy & Daddy!!”

Later, at home, I brought it up with Elena. I knew the topic of daddies was coming up more often than usual with Father’s Day nearing so wanted to initiate a conversation. I also knew she would have more awareness this year than ever before too.

I asked her why she’d called out “mommy & daddy” to me & she replied simply, “Because I wanted to.” Ooo-kaaay.

I said, “You remember that we are a mommy & kid family, right?” & she said, “and Gramma & Raina & GiGi &…” & named a bunch of the people we call family. Yes, of course.

Then I asked her, “If someone asks you if you have a daddy, what do you tell them?” She replied confidently, “I have a Gramma instead!” That's pretty good.

I then asked if they were working on crafts at preschool for Father’s Day. She confirmed they were so I asked her who she thought she’d make her craft for. I was thinking maybe she would say me but instead she said Fifi. Fifi is what Elena calls our neighbor, Felicia. How sweet!

It also confirmed to me that Elena doesn’t see me as her dad any more than I would try to fill that role. I am her Mom, period. It was something on my mind after a few conversations on some SMC boards recently. I was very curious what Elena’s perspective was.

These conversations put my mind at ease. I think, at this point, it is safe to say that Elena is pretty well adjusted.

P.S. Today is my 5 year Inseminaversary!!!! How do 5 years fly by so fast?


  1. I read the same SMC thread as you, and agree with your stance. It sounds like Elena is pretty solid in her understanding, and was just having a moment of fun joking with her friends!

  2. Doing good!! I try to check in with Elsie every now and then to see what her thoughts are too. So far she says she wants a dad but when I ask her why she shrugs and walks away. I think she says it to see if she'll get a reaction from me more than anything else.

  3. I worry about this all the time and then I realize I'm the one who is making a bigger deal than she is. She came home crying when she was making the father's day craft. Immediately I think I have ruined her life. She later told me she was not upset about not having a dad, but was upset she didn't know what uncle was good at and couldn't put it in her book. She's fine, I'm the one who needs to relax.

  4. Good post - glad to see Elena is adjusted so well. I worry a lot about such questions in the future.

  5. Biting my nails about Bobby's first Father's Day in school (last year we missed it by a week). I'm glad to see for most of us this stuff is not as big a deal as we think.

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  7. I hope -- with families coming in all shapes and sizes -- that teachers keep that in mind with Mother's and Father's Day projects. Maybe veer away from the poems on paper ties and instead aim for a shape and project that is inclusive to anyone the child wants to honour on that day. But yeah, I would say that you have a confident, well-adjusted girl :-)

  8. Sounds like Elena is doing pretty good! I think it's great that you are checking in with her regarding her thoughts on daddies. I can usually imagine so many different scenarios for how conversations on that topic could go, so it is very interesting to me to hear what kids are thinking, especially at different ages. Seems to me like you handled it all very well.

  9. She sounds very well adujsted :-) and happy insemiversay!

  10. A few weeks late (how did I miss this post?) but happy inseminaversary!

    It's so hard for me, as a child who had both parents, to comprehend that it wouldn't really bother my kids to not have a dad. But so far it's been a non-issue. Interesting how easily Elena decides on someone she wants to give her Father's Day project to - and it's not even someone we would think of as a father figure.


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