It was 1 year ago today…I'd learned of my impending loss the day before but it was 1 year ago today that the pain & physical evidence of it started. I had never before experienced such all consuming physical & emotional pain at the same time. It was all so overwhelming…dealing with feelings of failure & self-blame, feeling so empty & lost…all while having to endure the anguish of my body expelling the life I had already begun to love. I secluded myself…turned inside myself & suffered alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to have to listen to their pity & platitudes…I didn’t feel like I deserved their love & compassion. I had started to question whether I should pursue this dream of motherhood. I hadn’t been prepared for this loss & grief. I endured those days of physical pain & emotional turmoil then stuffed it deep down inside & moved on…but the grief took longer to deal with…I’m still dealing…1 year later & I still grieve the loss of my 1st pregnancy…would it hurt more if I’d had subsequent losses? I don’t know…I’m sure it would…but does it hurt any less now?