5 weeks 1 day

I meant to write yesterday on exactly 5 weeks...but was too tired! That's the story of my life these days...if I'm not feeling completely exhausted, then I'm feeling pretty cruddy...but mostly both at once! In no way am I complaining though...I will suffer whatever I have to as long as my little Tadpole just sticks with me!

Some interesting symptoms I thought I'd share...some TMI to follow but bear with me...1st, I've noticed my skin's a lot dryer than usual...another thing I feel is bloated & gassy...I feel like I have a nervous stomach all the time...the one thing that's hard to deal with is the heartburn. I have acid reflux & usually take Prevacid as needed & that was usually once or twice a month...however, I couldn't find any conclusive information whether it was safe to take while pregnant (basically there hasn't been any testing either way) so I figured, better safe than sorry...but boy am I suffering! A lot of the time, I feel like my period is going to start...& my boobs are still tender & I swear have gotten bigger! Which is the last thing I need since I've always been large-busted to begin with!!

I talked to my boss the other day...I actually have 3 bosses but directly report to 1 of them...I really trust & respect her & didn't like hedging around the truth with her. She gives me a lot of freedom & I didn't want her to feel I was taking advantage...anyway, my reason for telling her, aside from the previous, was because I was afraid that if I do miscarry, it would be so much harder to come clean about it all at once...so I told her & she was so awesome! I mean, I am grateful everyday that I have a job I love & bosses that are so great...but she was amazing! So excited & happy for me & proud that I would take matters into my own hands to become a mom...

Now for the scary part...I am constantly terrified that this has all been some kind of mistake, a mix up with blood tests...but then I take a HPT & it's still positive...but then I remember this story on the soap opera I watch about this girl who wanted a baby so badly that she convinced herself she was pregnant, they called it an hysterical pregnancy...so then I think maybe that's what all these symptoms are, they're psychosomatic...but then I remind myself that I don't live in a soap opera...so then my mind takes me to worrying about if I can hang onto my little Tadpole...I am overcome sometimes with fear that I'll miscarry...I try really hard to remain zen, calm & positive...& every day that I don't see any signs of AF allows me to be just a little more hopeful...& I thought the 2ww was torture?!?! This week has seemed like a year...was it only Monday that I found out for sure?