Friday, April 2, 2010

Double, Double, Toil & Trouble

I had my 2nd blood test yesterday...I didn't double, not even close...I went from 23.39 to only 38.63...& it's not so much the low numbers that concern me. They're not the worst for this's the lack of significant just doesn't bode well.

My emotions have run the gambit...raging at the acceptance...from the moment I started this journey, I never expected it to be easy...I've never done anything the easy way...I've learned all of my life lessons the hard when this IUI, my 1st try, was going so "easily" (I mean, a positive on the 1st try?) just didn't seem, I don't know, right.

I have read so many heartbreaking stories of other women's journeys & many have happy endings...& I still have hope I'll have a happy ending too...but this emotional rollercoaster I'm on now is harder than I expected & I expected it to be really hard!

I'm really not sure how to feel at this point...part of me feels like a definate negative would have been better than this maybe positive...but that would be easy & it's not supposed to be easy!! I'm just not ready to give up on this little tadpole, not's the waiting that's killing me. If it's not going to work out, then I just want to get moving on try #2.

Maybe tadpole is indecisive, just like me...taking it's time to settle in...maybe it's just not meant to be...maybe this was just a dress rehersal, a practice run for my frustration is with the lack of anything I can do...except wait...I go again on Saturday for another's hoping for a huge result!!


  1. I was where you are exactly one year ago and it was hard. Maybe pregnant just plain sucks! I'm sorry the number wasn't better but you're right about there still being hope. I'm hoping right there with you!

  2. I am so sorry it is so difficult. Crossing my fingers for you.

  3. Hang in there! Got my fingers crossed for you and your little tadpole!!!


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