I really wanted to be able to post that Aunt Flo had arrived & I was on my way to try number 2...I was feeling sort of PMS-y last week & the last 2 days feel sort of like the beginning crampiness but still NOTHING!!!
I am really trying to remain zen about the wait, reminding myself that my body is just taking care of it's self & making it's self extra ready for next time...yada yada yada...blah blah blah...but I just can't help but hear the doubts in the back of my brain, "That was you last good egg" "Your period will never start" "You'll just keep miscarrying" "You'll never be a mother"...
It's been a blessing that work has been so busy so that I get a 9.5 hour distraction from it all...I also reminded myself that it's only been 4 weeks too...logically & rationally there's no reason to believe something is wrong...
Unfortuately Logic & Rational aren't always companions of mine!!
On a funny note...I am amazed by people sometimes (most of the time)...I'm an early bird & was up this morning at about 6:30am...(that's sleeping in since I get up at 5am during the week)...I'm lounging on the couch & I start hearing this loud vibrating...at 1st it sounds as though it's coming from upstairs...I go up to investigate & realize it's coming from outside & the neighbour behind me is jack-hammering his patio!!! AT 7:30am ON A SATURDAY MORNING!!!! Now it doesn't bother me since I'm already up but I can just imagine what the other neighbours must be feeling! How inconsiderate can you be?!?!?! Baffles me!
I hear you...self talk can be a b^&ch and impossible to turn off. You will be a mother....your body is fine. You will be a mother.
ReplyDeleteSeconding Paige. This self talk is so hard to overcome but there is nothing wrong with your eggs! And sooner or later you will get your period and will start round 2. And you will become a mother!
ReplyDeleteAnd how incosidrate of that neighbour!
I had very regular cycles until I was TTC. Then, well, you know the saying "a watched pot never boils"? But nature did eventually take its course--it will with you too. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAfter I told a friend I was the queen of negative self talk, she asked me:
ReplyDeleteWould you say those same things to a me?
It was a life changing moment because I would NEVER say those things to a friend. Her point was well taken. We need to be just as nice to ourselves as we are to others.
And I agree with Laraf123, those watched pots never boil!
Ugh! I'm sorry. Us single women like control and we have so very little of it during this TTCing time don't we? I like what Hopeful wrote - it's so true!
ReplyDeleteKeeping busy is key - you don't have time to let your mind bog you down with all those questioning thoughts when you're busy. That's the theory, anyway. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit behind you, I just had a miscarriage last week, but I'm glad to see you're moving on with a good measure of hope and optimism! It took me 3 tries to get my BFP, and I can tell you that one of the hardest things about my two BFNs was the question in the back of my mind if I could ever get a BFP. While I think future BFNs will still be hard, I think knowing that we CAN do it, our bodies do know how to get pregnant, will take some of the sting out of BFNs.
Of course, I'm hoping that both our next tries work and we both have healthy, happy babies this time next year. Here's hoping for AF and healthy eggs for us both!
I hate negative self-talk! Your body is taking the time to care for itself and get it to the best state it can be in. That's a great positive to focus on. In the meantime, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Hoping AF moves her butt and gets to you just at the right time.
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