Sunday, May 2, 2010

What day is it?

I had lost all sense of time...these last several days have been a fog of pain. I'm not going to lie or sugar coat's been excrutiatingly painful & each day has been worse than the last...until today. Yesterday was definately the worst.

When the cramping & spotting started Wednesday afternoon, I was just grateful I wouldn't have to wait for it to begin...I believe it's been the progesterone supplements that prolonged this pregnancy as long as it did because when I got the results Tuesday I didn't bother taking a suppository that night or on Wednesday...the results from my blood test Wednesday showed my progesterone level as very low considering I'd been on the it seems to me once I stopped, nature was able to take it's course.

Thursday was when the bleeding started in earnest & the pain was worse than the worst period I'd ever had...late in the evening, the cramping subsided & I went to bed early since I was exhausted...I had a good night's sleep & woke up Friday morning feeling naive because by late morning the cramping started again & intensified & was 10x worse than Thursday...I won't get into too much detail about the bleeding except to say that there has been A LOT.

Friday evening the cramping subsided again & after enjoying a beer (because I could) I went to bed early & had a good night's sleep...I woke Saturday morning thinking the worst must be behind me. I decided to venture out to the pharmacy as it dawned on my that I could dye my hair!! Well, I was out less than 20 minutes & the pain hit me like a freight train...I couldn't think straight so picked a dye & headed home...& mother-of-god! the cramping was 10x worse than Friday!! I was actually reduced to tears & could barely move most of the day...I would have liked to sleep except the pain was just too intense.

The fog seems to be clearing now & the cramping feels more like it did on Wednesday when it started...which is a walk in the park compared to Friday & I dyed my hair this afternoon...I definitely picked the wrong colour & now look ridiculous but at least the grey is gone...

Physically the last several days have been a nightmare...but emotionally? Emotionally, I have been okay...I am sad for this loss but this isn't devastating...I have endured worse & learned the truth of the phrase, "this too shall pass" and always there are better things to come...& I believe the best is ahead of me because this time next year I could very well be a new Mom!!!

Thank you all for you kind words & encouragement...they have meant so much to me.


  1. I'm sorry to hear you've been in such pain. I hope it subsides soon. You are right....the best is yet to come. You're in my thoughts.

  2. I hope the worst is over and you are on the road to recovery. Big Hug-

  3. Thinking of you and hoping your pain subsides. Be gentle with yourself. A miracle is waiting.

  4. I am so sorry for all this pain you've been through. Hope it's over by now.
    And of course you'll be a new mum next year!

  5. I am sorry to hear that an emotionally painful time turned into such a physically painful time.

    I am glad to see your attitude though! You're right this, too, shall pass. Remember that is said in good times and in bad. For some reason, knowing that always makes me feel better when I'm really down.

    Here's to you being a mom this time next year!!!

  6. So sorry about your pain. Hope you are feeling better soon!


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