What day is it?

I had lost all sense of time...these last several days have been a fog of pain. I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it...it's been excrutiatingly painful & each day has been worse than the last...until today. Yesterday was definately the worst.

When the cramping & spotting started Wednesday afternoon, I was just grateful I wouldn't have to wait for it to begin...I believe it's been the progesterone supplements that prolonged this pregnancy as long as it did because when I got the results Tuesday I didn't bother taking a suppository that night or on Wednesday...the results from my blood test Wednesday showed my progesterone level as very low considering I'd been on the supplement...so it seems to me once I stopped, nature was able to take it's course.

Thursday was when the bleeding started in earnest & the pain was worse than the worst period I'd ever had...late in the evening, the cramping subsided & I went to bed early since I was exhausted...I had a good night's sleep & woke up Friday morning feeling alright...how naive because by late morning the cramping started again & intensified & was 10x worse than Thursday...I won't get into too much detail about the bleeding except to say that there has been A LOT.

Friday evening the cramping subsided again & after enjoying a beer (because I could) I went to bed early & had a good night's sleep...I woke Saturday morning thinking the worst must be behind me. I decided to venture out to the pharmacy as it dawned on my that I could dye my hair!! Well, I was out less than 20 minutes & the pain hit me like a freight train...I couldn't think straight so picked a dye & headed home...& mother-of-god! the cramping was 10x worse than Friday!! I was actually reduced to tears & could barely move most of the day...I would have liked to sleep except the pain was just too intense.

The fog seems to be clearing now & the cramping feels more like it did on Wednesday when it started...which is a walk in the park compared to Friday & yesterday...so I dyed my hair this afternoon...I definitely picked the wrong colour & now look ridiculous but at least the grey is gone...

Physically the last several days have been a nightmare...but emotionally? Emotionally, I have been okay...I am sad for this loss but this isn't devastating...I have endured worse & learned the truth of the phrase, "this too shall pass" and always there are better things to come...& I believe the best is ahead of me because this time next year I could very well be a new Mom!!!

Thank you all for you kind words & encouragement...they have meant so much to me.