Okay...let's get the details out of the way...I went yesterday for my CD3 U/S & BW...Things look good: 6 follicles in my right ovary measuring 0.9...8 in my left measuring 0.6...this is less than normal but still good so I think the Metformin is doing it's job...my lining is 4.0...I started my Clomid, 50 mg a day for 5 days...now I'm a little confused because both my nurse & the RE on duty yesterday told me to start taking it yesterday which was CD3 but I thought you were supposed to take Clomid on CD5...but they haven't led me wrong yet so I'll trust them...
I'm really excited to be trying again & feeling this forward motion...but I'm also a little anxious as well...I'm afraid to get too excited because I know how much a disappointment can hurt...I'm not being negative, I'm really not...but it wouldn't be honest if I didn't address my fears...in the last few weeks since miscarrying, when the pain of loss consumes me, I wonder if I really want to be in a position to possibly go through it all again...however, the thought of never being a mom is more heartbreaking...when compared to that, it's worth the risk.
So being a true Lost fan, I'm going to take Jack Shephard's advice & let the fear in...but only for 5 seconds...1...2...3...4...5...now for the next 24 days, I am going to be all about positive visualization & thinking good baby-making thoughts.
As for the negative self-talk, Hopeful shared a very good point that I think all of us need to hear:
After I told a friend I was the queen of negative self talk, she asked me:
Would you say those same things to a me?
It was a life changing moment because I would NEVER say those things to a friend. Her point was well taken. We need to be just as nice to ourselves as we are to others.
It was life changing for me as well...I will never allow myself to do this to myself anymore...when I catch myself & reverse my thinking & remind myself how lucky I am.