Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Twist of Fate

When I posted Monday evening, I just knew I was on the verge of getting my period. I was experiencing pretty intense lower back pain which is always my 1st warning that I'm about to start. Then late Monday afternoon I noticed my 1st signs of spotting...period was inevitable, right? I stopped taking my progesterone suppositories...what was the point, I might as well save them, right?

Tuesday morning (CD28), I expected to wake up to full flow...what did I wake up to? Nothing! Even my lower back pain had subsided...throughout the day I kept expecting it to come back...I mean, I wanted a CD1 so I could start the process for try #3!! But all day, NOTHING!

When I woke up this morning, still nothing! I was sure it was just taking it's time but just to put my mind at ease, I decided to take a HPT...I had a cheap one, why waste a good one, right?).

I took the test & got a 2nd line almost immediately! My 1st thought? WTF!!! I looked & looked again...I couldn't believe it!! And of course I started doubting it. How could this be? I had no symptoms tender breasts, no nausea, nothing! The test was a cheap one, it was probably a false positive...

I quickly got ready & high-tailed it to my clinic for a beta...blood tests don't lie & I was sure it would come up negative...or maybe this was just a chemical...I mentioned I'd had no symptoms, right?

My nurse called at about 11:30am today...the verdict? BFP!! My 1st thought? WTF!!! I have a 51.98 hCG!!! She warned that my progesterone was very low...well, ya! I'd stopped taking it!!! I immediately hauled my ass home & deposited my suppository!!!

I can't even believe this. I was so sure this was a no go. When it felt like my period was starting, I wasn't surprised. I'm in shock that I've actually got a BFP! I don't know if it's even sunk in...

Then there's no guarantee it'll stick...I go back Friday to may sure my hCG may not. Even though 51.98 is higher than this point last time, it's still not off the charts high...this could indicate another blighted ovum...last time I knew it wasn't my fault that I miscarried. This time? How can I not blame myself? If I had just kept taking my progesterone...okay, that's it. My 5 seconds are up...I let the fear in & now I am going to remain calm & positive.


  1. That's fabulous Tiara! Congratulations and stay positive... I truly believe in the power of positive thinking! Don't beat yourself up over the progesterone... it was less than 24 hours that you stopped taking it.

    Perhaps your lower back pain was your first symptom of pregnancy?

    This post is inspiring!

  2. Congrats! 5 seconds are over. Time to celebrate!

  3. Holy Shit!! This is fantastic news! I agree with singlemom2b---please don't beat yourself up over the progesterone. You're doing everything right...keep up the positive thinking.

  4. Yay Tiara! You know, I almost asked you the other night if you had actually started your period or not. :) Fingers crossed that your next beta doubles (or better)!

  5. Wow, congrats! I just stumbled upon your blog. I have started a similar one myself, but you are a little bit ahead of me in the process. I look forward to reading more from you about what's to come for me.

  6. This is fabulous news! Keep up those calm, positive thoughts.

  7. Rock on! You are knocked up!
    I so get that it's hard not to worry about the number but remember that it's all about the doubling time and not the actual number. Here is a good place to obsess over beta numbers

    I have my fingers crossed that next beta is double or triple!

  8. Oh my gosh, I opened you blog and YOU ARE PREGNANT! YAHOO!! Hang in there and don't worry about the progesterone, you still have some in your body and you are taking it now! CELEBRATE, breath, rest, stay hydrated and PRAY like there is no tomorrow!

    Hang in there- I am SOO Happy for you!!

    (by the way I was convinced I wasn't pregnant either and now I have a beautiful little boy...just saying...could be a sign!!)

  9. Oh wow! Congrats!!
    And here's for a lovely double figure on Friday!

  10. I read your last post and wanted to leave this comment but didn't dare. I had the worst PMS symptoms before my positive pregnancy tests. I mean, I was SURE my period was on it's way. For my second pregnancy, the clinic kept calling to schedule a blood test but I said I didn't need one. Well, ha! I was pregnant both times. I'm very excited for your BFP!

  11. I am so happy for you! Congratulations!!
    And thanks so much for your kind words on my blog! It's much appreciated!! Happy 9 months!!


Your comments are greatly appreciated so I've turned off the verification!