Blogoversary!!!

I can't believe I forgot that yesterday was my Blogoversary!! It was 1 year ago yesterday that I wrote my oh so eloquent 1st Blogging Post!!

I decided to start a blog since I had always journaled so it felt natural to write about this journey, though it was...is...a little intimidating to open my heart & to express my thoughts for an audience...yet I now feel a part of an amazing community of women...women who inspire me, challenge me, women I can admire...strangers who have become friends even though I wouldn't know most of them if I passed them in the street...amazingly strong women who have endured so much with grace & dignity.

In honour of my Blogoversary I want to thank all of you...those who read my blog, whether you comment or not...and all of the women who also write blogs & put themselves out there & share themselves with all of us. I am grateful to be a part of this community.

Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

38 weeks today...I think my Girl is quite content on the inside though...

My Midwife made a home visit this morning. She likes to do this so when she comes during labour, it's not the first time she's trying to find the house. I'm planning to labour at home for the 1st part before heading to the hospital...

Anyway, everything is still good...it was a little weird to have an exam in my own bedroom but I've been told to let go of my modesty...my Girl is fine, heartrate about 150 bpm...head down at -3 so still a ways to go...we agreed to do a stretch & sweep...my cervix is central, which is good but still thick...she was able to do a stretch but she couldn't reach the membranes for a sweep...which was okay by me since the stretching part HURT!! Then I remembered that this was nothing compared to what was to come!! Now I am 1 cm dilated & had some bloody show. I felt a few contractions after this but everything has settled down again & now we'll just wait...

I've been off work for a week now...I'm a little bored...I've cleaned everything I can think of...organized all the baby stuff...learned how to use my carseat...packed my bags for the hospital...did my taxes...sent out all my thank you notes from my shower...etc...etc...etc...

And so I wait...always with the waiting...

37 Weeks...Full Term, Baby!!

Wow...37 weeks already! In some ways it seems like it's been 37 years & in other ways it seems like it's been 37 minutes!!

This time last year I was gearing up for my HSG & was so nervous about it...it still doesn't seem real sometimes...I stop cold & say to myself, "Whoa, I'm going to have a baby...A BABY!" How did this happen, lol?!?!?

I had my OB consult yesterday...what a great Dr! Very dry but so thorough & I really like that he's a straight shooter & doesn't sugar coat anything...he said that he wasn't concerned at all with the size of Baby (which was the reason for the consult) but seeing that my amniotic fluids had been low did concern him..."But they went back to normal," I said..."Yes, but low normal." That I hadn't known...thank god for my recently found zen perspective from the psychiatrist or else info like that would have sent me in a tail spin!

Dr ordered another ultrasound to see if Baby was still growning & that fluid levels were steady etc...if she hadn't grown and/or the fluid levels were lower this could indicate a problem with the placenta & we would induce...thanks to my new zen perspective & my Girl moving around consistantly, I wasn't worried at all...I adopted a wait-and-see attitude...luckily I didn't have to wait long as they were able to book me for an ultrasound this morning & straight to the Dr afterward (conveniently, they're in the same building).

Everything is great...my Girl is still scoring 8/8 on the Biophysical Profile...fluid levels are holding steady & she's still growing (OMG!!) & she's now estimated at about 8 1/2 lbs! Dr was very pleased with this & said we'll wait & see if she decides to come on her own...but he's concerned that my blood pressure has been elevated...not high really but higher than the rest of the pregnancy...then he said the best thing I could ever hear: "You just need to rest & take it easy" meaning it would be advisable to stop working!! You don't have to tell me twice!!! Friday was going to be my last day anyway but I had some sick time left so as of 4:30 today, I am DONE!!!

And now we wait...I'm booked for another ultrasound Friday the 25th & to see him afterward & will see my midwife early next week...unless my Girl decides to make an appearance in the mean time...

When it Rains it Pours...

I was showered yesterday...I am still so overwhelmed by the generousity shown towards my Daughter & I...My Brother & Sister-in-Law hosted a Baby Shower for me yesterday & I am touched by how many people came & how thoughtful they were with their gifts. My Girl will definitely be well dressed! I also received all the necessities for when Baby comes home...we're all set, at least I'm pretty sure we are. Now we wait...I can't wait to find out when my Daughter's birthday will be...I think I've come up with a name too...

Back in December, I mentioned here that I'd been referred to a psychiatrist to address my worries, fears & anxiety...I finally had my appointment on Friday & what an experience...I wish I had admitted sooner that I needed help because the Dr gave me a new perspective in which to look at my worries, fears & anxiety. He also reassured me that there's no reason to believe that all my fear, worry & anxiety has been detrimental to my Baby...he also debunked the information I'd heard in my prenatal classes that all this fear, worry & anxiety would increase my risk of postpartum depresssion...he said that I actually didn't fall into the high risk category by a long shot but even if I do experience PPD, by already having support in place will minimize the severity. He did specifically say, in his professional opinion, he did not believe I would develop post partum depression. I'm booked for a follow up appointment with him at the beginning of April...to either close out my file with him if all is well, or so that I'm reassured I have an appointment booked if I am feeling anxious, fear or worry....plus I can call in at anytime if I need help or support.

It took a lot for me to admit how deeply I was struggling with worry, fear & anxiety...I was afraid to admit vulnerability, I was afraid I'd be judged harshly...but I realize now, if I had admitted my need for help sooner, I could have received help sooner. I'm going to try to remember this in the future.

I also wanted to say a Happy Birthday to Jett & Congratulations to Gille on the birth of her precious son.

Lastly, I thought I would share a belly shot...yes, I'm HUGE & keep getting BIGGER, lol!!!

Just to keep things interesting...

Yesterday evening, I had my registration appointment at the hospital...it went well & I'm all signed up.

When I came out of the appointment, there was a message on my phone from my Midwife's office...I thought it'd just be a routine update about my ultrasound from Thursday...but she didn't leave any details like usual instead asking that I call her that evening or 1st thing this morning.

Well, I called back right away...turns out that although my Girl passed the Bio Physical Profile with flying colours scoring 8/8 my over all fluid level in all 4 quadrants was low...no need to be overly concerned since overall everything looks great & I wasn't leaking any fluid but as a precaution she asked that I meet her at the hospital today for a Non-Stress Test.

You can imagine me, being such a worry wart, & how much this news put me on edge...but I'm very proud of myself for keeping perspective & remaining calm...& for once Dr.Google actually put my mind at ease...for the most part.

My Girl passed the Non-Stress Test beautifully scoring 10/10 & showing excellent reactions...& what better way to spend a Saturday afternoon than listening to my Daughter's heartbeat for over 1/2 an hour! My blood pressure was up...but that's understandable considering I was worried.

I'll have to go for more ultrasounds (I think I can handle that) & probably more NST...& they'll probably have me deliver before 40 weeks...in the mean time, I can continue regular activity...I did ask if they were sure I should continue to work...but no dice there ;) I'll have to stick it out the next 2 weeks...

Ode to my Belly Button

Okay, no, I am not going to subject you to a poem about my belly button but I am fascinated with it lately...you see, I have always had a very deep one...I'm talking DEEP...I could stick half my pinky finger into it...now, I can see then end of it...it hasn't actally popped, it's still an inny...but I can actually turn it inside out now...I'm thinking, in the next few weeks it will pop...& this fascinates me!!

In other news...I had an ultrasound this afternoon...at 35 weeks my Girl is now estimated at 7 lbs 10 oz...this doesn't freak me out as much when I found out she was 6 lbs. I am reassured that although she is a big baby, she is growing consistantly & developing well...her heart looks great, she has a strong heart rate, her lungs look well developed, we even got to watch her practice breathing!!

Now I am counting down the days...1st, 2 more weeks of work! Just 10 more work days!! It could not come soon enough...this getting up at 5am is just not fun anymore!! 2nd, 5 more weeks until my due date...as intimidating as the thought of delivering a 9+ lb baby is, I really hope she holds out until at least the week of March 7th so that I can have a few weeks off work before she arrives.

I am ready for her though...I cleaned, organized & put away all her clothes this past weekend, her cradle is in my room now, I've set up the cloth diaper service...I'd just really like some rest & relaxation before she arrives...