Good Results

First of all...thanks everyone for your name advice...a few of you mentioned that once I see my daughter, one name will just be her name...& I agree...I'm just going to keep my ear out for new suggestions & I'll just know...but boy am I glad I don't have to pick TWO middle names, lol!! Her middle name is actually already set, always has been...My Mom & I both have the same middle name so it was easy to know that my daughter would share this tradition...it does help too since some names just don't flow with the middle name so I can cross them off the list right away...anyway, we'll just have to wait & see what her name turns out to be...

I had an appointment with my Midwife today...I went for my 2nd Glucose Tolerance Test last Thursday & they had the results...great news! I am still NOT Gestationally Diabetic (lol, is that a word?)...& the glucose in my urine has lowered...my results with this test are actually better than with the 1st test! I have been very careful about what I'm eating & it's obviously paying off...plus I've actually lost a couple of pounds...don't worry, nothing to worry about, it's just that I'm eating better...plus it wasn't like I didn't have a few pounds to spare!!

I do have to meet with an OB...because My Girl is weighing in at 6 lbs 2 oz already puts her above the 90th percentile, which here in Canada, results in an OB consult...but it's pretty much just to provide me with information & prepare me for different scenarios that could result from a large baby birth...& who doesn't want more information...it won't be new info that my midwives haven't already covered, just a different perspective & that's okay with me...I was afraid that they'd have to transfer care...it's not like I have anything against OBs, it's just that I fear that they jump to medical intervention too quickly & I'd be told that since she's big they'll jump to induction or c-section...my midwife reassured me that wasn't the case & we both agreed on who to refer too, he comes highly recommended & he's definitely not one to push medical intervention unnecessarily...the other thing I worried about with the consult is that it would have to go through my family Dr. I love my family Dr but he's not an OB & any referral from him would move me to another hospital in my city & I DO NOT want to be at that other hospital...but that's not a worry & I can stick with the hospital I know & already love...& still go for the luxury suite...which, BTW, my brother has offered to pay for if I do get one...he is so generous!!

Speaking of my brother...I had an eye opener about just how excited he is about my having a baby...he's a bit of a big-wig-muckity-muck at the company he works for...he was asked to speak at a conference in Florida, all expenses paid...but the conference is at the beginning of March & he doesn't want to be away when my daughter is born! I really am touched!

I guess that's it for now...if anyone has any more name advice or suggestions, keep 'em coming!!

What's in a Name?

So much!! Especially when you have no idea what or how to name your daughter! I posted here that I had a short list of names choosen but now I'm not sure any of them seem right...back then I was sure that one of the 5 names would be my daughter's...now I'm not so sure...I've thought of new names...I've revisited old names I'd already discarded...I just have no idea!

Why can't babies come out with their name stamped on the bottom of their foot? Remember Cabbage Patch Kids? They would come with their birth certificate & they had their name...oh sure, you could change it if you wanted but at least you had a starting point!!

I know I should be glad if this is my only worry right now (if only it were my only worry!) but it is forefront...with every day & week that passes by I get a little more stressed that I'll never be able to pick a name...part of me feels that The Perfect Name is out there & it will miraculously come to me & I'll just know, "that's The One". I'm hoping that when I see her for the 1st time a name will just fit & seem right.

For now, I am open to suggestions...so hit me Ladies!! Does anyone have any advice on how to choose a name? Or even just name suggestions?

SIX POUNDS 2 OUNCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At 32 weeks that's how much my daughter is weighing!!! SIX POUNDS 2 OUNCES!! With 8 more weeks to go & an estimated 1/2 pound weight gain per week...if I make it full term She'll be TEN POUNDS!!!! I know babies that were born full term weighing 6 lbs!!

Okay, so I'm freaking out a little, lol! The good (& reassuring) news is that she is developed well, good strong looking heart, really good amniotic fluid levels, cord blood flow looks really good, placenta is still up front & she's head down...all very reassuring & positive.

I'm going for the Glucose Tolerance test again...even though my blood tests from the last one came back perfectly normal, my last 2 urine tests had high levels of glucose...once could have been a fluke...two is enough reason to double check it again...I'm not really sure if gestational diabetes can develop within 4 weeks after a normal test result but I don't want to take any chances & since my Girl is measuring big, I would rather be safe & check than sorry...I've been really careful with my eating & trying to really limit my sugars...I only gained 2 pounds between my last appointment this one & that was over Christmas so I'm pretty proud of myself.

All of this has made me realize that I need to get my butt in gear & get organized as I could very well have way less than 55 days until Show Time!!

60 Days Left

Are you kidding me? There's just 60 days left until my due date!! That doesn't seem possible! I've finally entered the "enjoying pregnancy" phase & it's going to be over in 60 days? To be honest though I can't wait for my Girl to be here...having all this baby stuff around, I can't wait for there to be a baby to use it all.

I went for my hospital tour on Wednesday...I'm feeling really good about delivering there...their policies meet all of the things that are important to me...they encourage skin-to-skin right away & will assist me to breastfeed within the 1st hour...in the event of a c-section, they don't whisk my girl away but instead keep her close by me until I'm stitched up & able to do skin-to-skin & feed...they won't bathe my girl right away & they won't do it without me present...they have 24 hour rooming in so once my daughter is born, she won't be separated from me for any reason...even if she needs tests, it is my right to go along & be present...the only reason we'd be separated is if she needs to go to the NICU but I don't want to think about that...

What I didn't know before Wednesday was that they have these two suites there that are total luxury...they're not birthing rooms, they're for your stay after & they're 1st come 1st serve...they're pretty pricey if you get one, $150 a night, but all of that money goes to the hospital's children's charity...worth it to me, I'm definitely putting my name on the list! However, if I have a regular birth & everything is ok with my girl, I won't be in the hospital long anyway since with my Midwife they can send me home pretty quick...but I'll sign up anyway...just in case.

I am preparing myself for a c-section...something in me just feels like this is the way it'll go...everyone keeps telling me that since my girl is big, I won't be able to deliver vaginally...but I'm a bigger girl with wide hips so who knows...either way, my goal is a healthy daughter, however she needs to come out is fine by me...& if I end up with a c-section, then having the luxury suite would be sweet!

My focus right now is getting everything organized around my house...I have 6 more weeks of work & I can not wait to be done!! I had to take a few sick days this week...having a cold & being pregnant is NOT fun...it wasn't even a bad cold, but I wouldn't take anything & just suffered through...then the constipation set in & having been a long sufferer of IBS & always being very regular, this was a new experience...I don't ever remember being so glad to poop as I was yesterday!!! The point of all this TMI was that my boss, my big boss, the head guy, made a point of telling me to take any time I needed in these last weeks...I think he could tell how uncomfortable I was but since I work in finance & this time of year is SUPER busy for us, I was reluctant to be off...but he said not to worry & also gave me permission to work from home if I needed...I really appreciate that, having that understanding is so reassuring.

Well this is one of my most rambling posts...

2010 In Review

As I sit here in my office at work...all alone since I am the ONLY person in the building today (it's a little creepy!)...I'm lacking the motivation to actually work & my mind keeps wondering back over this past year....

From the start, 2010 was already a big year for me as my birthday would fall on 10.10.2010...I'd been thinking about this fact for the last couple of years & wanted to do something special...as it turned out, I decided to become a Mother.

What I remember feeling a year ago, having made this momentous decision, was...terror! Okay, that's a bit over-dramatic...but I was scared...at that point, I had never heard the term "Choice Mom", I didn't know that IUI & IVF were two totally different things, I had no idea what Clomid was or that my menstrual cycle consisted of more than just Day 14-Ovulation & Day 28-Period or even that my period marked the BEGINNING of my cycle, not the end! I didn't know just how much I didn't know!

I remember that by around January 7th or 8th, I still hadn't made a call to any Fertility Clinics...by this point I had scoped out a few clinics in my area...I had learned that I needed IUI with Donor Sperm or TDI......I had started looking at Donor Banks...all I thought about was TTC (though didn't know about that acronym yet)...& I realized I was scared...scared to take that next step...scared of the unknown...

I realize now that fear has been my most predominant emotion in 2010...that makes me sad to admit. I've experienced a vast array of emotions this year...in any given year, for that matter...but as I reflect on 2010, fear has threaded itself  through every experience I've had this year...in so many ways, so many times this year, I have been gripped with fear, overcome with fear, brought to my knees by fear.

This year is also the 1st in my life that I have been told, numerous times, how courageous I am...interesting, don't you think? The year that I am most fearful, the year that I am fear's bitch, is also the year I find my courage...that's what courage is though, isn't it? Doing something despite your fear? That makes me a whole lot less sad...dare I say even a little proud? Makes the fear worth it, I think.

I wonder what emotion will dominate 2011...for 2011 is sure to be filled with many many emotions...but which will stand out most?

1 More Sleep!!!

As I sit here in my jammie-jams, enjoying the fact that I got to sleep in & thinking about Christmas...I can't help but be awed at how different this Christmas is from the so many Christmas' before...

For many many years now, Christmas has been bittersweet for me...Christmas has always been my favourite time of year...I just love the lights & colours, the music & cheer, getting together with family & friends...but for the last however many years Christmas has had an undertone of sadness & loneliness for me. Every Christmas that came & went was another reminder of what I felt were my failures...another year that I hadn't met my Prince Charming, another year past without starting a family of my own, the realization I may never be a Mother...that's the one that hurt the most. I mean, I can wait forever for my Mr. Right, there's no time limit on love...but my window to becoming a Mother (biologically speaking) was beginning to close.

I wanted to know what it was like to be pregnant...I wanted to know how it felt to have a baby move inside me...I wanted to experience labour & delivery...I wanted to experience breastfeeding...I wanted a beautiful little person to depend on me & call me Mama...& every Christmas that passed reminded me that I didn't have any of that & maybe never would.

It was last Christmas Eve that I told my Brother & Sister-in-law of my plans to be a Choice Mom...their support & encouragement were overwhelming & they, along with the rest of my family, have stood by me through it all this year.

Now, here I am, Christmas Eve & feeling my Daughter kick & flip inside me & it seems so surreal...if this is a dream, please don't wake me.

ICLW December

Well, it's been a few months since I participated in ICLW...I use the excuses that I've been too busy/tired...yes, okay a little lazy...but since I have most of this coming week off work...& a brand new laptop...I'm geared up & ready to comment!!

I've only been blogging for a short time...but the benefits I have reaped from this amazing online community are priceless. I don't know that I would have gotten through the dark time of my miscarriage without the support & kind words from readers. Equally, the heart-felt congratulations & words of encouragement when I found out I was pregnant again have meant just as much to me...it's been as much a joyous time (like hearing the heartbeat for the 1st time) as it has been a time filled with worry, fear & anxiety...

So thank you to all for stopping by & for all your comments, advice, encouragement & blog love!