Seriously! This has been the longest week ever!! And I even had Monday off work!! It's because I have to wait until Monday to get this show on the road...Monday is CD12 so that is when I start having my U/Ss & BTs to determine when it'll be best to inseminate...so this week has just dragged!!! Now I can't even imagine how I'll get throught the 2 week waiting period!! (The time after insemination before being able to determine if it takes)
I took my last dose of Clomid today...I hope it's doing it's job...I was very worried about taking it because I was afraid I'd react badly on it...but either it was a very mild dose or I just took it well because I feel generally fine. The 1st few days I felt sort of dizzy & woozy but that stopped...I've felt a bit bloated & had some crazy bowel activity (TMI, I know) but that could be because I have been eating more fruit & veggies than I usually do (trying to be healthy & all)...the 1 thing I do notice for sure is the discomfort in my lower back...I've had so few actual reactions that the paranoid side of me keeps thinking that it must not be working...I'll get the verdict Monday anyway so I might as well give my mind a break over the weekend...(yeah, right! I'm such a worry wart that won't happen!!)
I received my letter of confirmation & receipt from the donor clinic in the mail today...something about receiving that made me so happy & giddy!!! All these little things just make it more real...It hits me sometimes, "I'm actually trying to have a baby!" It really is a dream come true!
This time last year I determined that if I was going to meet that someone special, I would have to put myself out there...being a homebody, I had limited avenues to pursue this...I tried internet dating AGAIN! This time I even paid the cash & joined eHarmony...same results though...maybe I'm too picky, maybe my standards are too high...it wasn't until I made the decision to be a Choice Mom that I realized that I wasn't clicking with these guys because I wasn't really that interested in being in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have that soul mate thing with someone but I don't feel like I'm missing anything not having it either. It was the thought of not being a mother, not having & nurturing a child that was leaving a hole in my heart.
Now I am very clear headed about the fact that the 1st time probably won't work...I've read about so many women who go through 3, 5, 8, plus trys...but it's from reading these stories that I'm glad we (my RE & I) decided to get a little aggressive right away. I've been afraid to let myself get too excited because of this, I didn't want to be too disappointed when it didn't work. When I made the choice, I believed it would take many tries...so I was really curbing my excitement. Then a friend told me, "Get excited!! Allow yourself that. There are very few times in life you can get really excited like this so enjoy it! If it doesn't work, you deal & move on." Okay, so those weren't her exact words but that was the jist of it.
So I'm going to be excited & hopeful & positive. I use to live my life hoping for the best but expecting the worst but in this case I am going to hope for the best, expect the best and deal with the disappointments if & when they come...
P.S. I had a funny dream the other night: I was in this little car, someone else was driving, & there were like 10-15 kids in there with us just packed like sardines & I was very annoyed & couldn't understand why we didn't take more than 1 vehicle...ya think that might be my subconscience telling me that my ovaries are feeling full!! LOL!